wrks4me's Blog

My prayers are with the family, specially the finance of that young man that was involved in the DV call that resulted the officer involved shooting.

 What could he have been thinking when he attacked the cop. Look I'm not a big supporter of men in blue, but when I do have to interact with them I show them the respect that goes with the uniform. I saw the brother on Fox and my heart goes out to him for the loss of his brother. But lets be real, what was the cops partner supposed to do the suspect was choking her partner. The cops life was in immediate danger, not just dangerous but within minutes he could be dead. So his partner instead of going balls out to protect him is supposed to use a judgment call on how to save his life? Maybe once the shock has begun to wear off, he should ask the question. Why did his brother feel the need to attack the cop in the first place. The cops obviously that the 9 month pregnant finance was actually in arms way. It's really not the cops fault how he reacted to the authority of the situation. I'm pretty sure, even though I was there that the cop didn't say. "Ok buddy, I'm here to resolve this maybe help in someway before it gets worse so go ahead I've offended you some how so attack me and try to kill me"

 Little advice, when the cops show up at your door. All of  your rights just flew at the window, because cops have way to much power. That's why I show nothing but respect no matter how bad it is. Or as much as I just want to go off on him/her. Because no matter what the out come is, they can end the story anyway they want. All they have to say is "probable cause" and no matter what they do they're justified. They might get their hands slapped a few times for making a bad choice.

I don't know the details of this poor guy that was killed. It was a domestic call, at that point just separate and deal with the cops. Don't give them any reason to lie about your attitude. Because all they have to do is speak those two magical words and the next thing you know you're cuffed, stuffed, and waiting for a judge to set you free. Remember people, you could spend anywhere from 24 hrs to 72 hrs in jail. They already know that, they already know you might even get released in a few hours. That's not why they do it, they do it only because THEY CAN. If you piss them off, they will "show" you.

Unfortunately this gentleman won't be released in 72 hrs. But no matter how much it pisses me off that cops acted like their Gods because of all the power they've been given. They are first and fore most human beings, with families, friends, and yes some of them have feelings.

Lesson for the day:  If you physically attack a cop, specially one with a partner. Expect to get get hurt, because you choke them, they will kill you if need be to save their own.

Once again, my prayers do go out to the family of the man, along with the cop and her partner whom she was defending.

My dear friend Scooch I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you for just being you. You have no idea how much your friendship means to me. I have a good amount of friends in my life, but I could count the number of true best friends I have on one hand.

I lost one in 2000 to a brain tumor, I have one that moved to New Mexico and one that moved to Arkansas both I don't see nearly as much as I want. I have one right here in town, our kids play together. The love of my life I've known him for over 15 years, and I'm just now realizing he is my true soul mate. Last but certainly not least is YOU. God put you in my life on 2/22/07 the day my brother died we didn't actually meet until March 2007 and I've never met you in person. Yet feel like I've known you for years.

As most of our regular blogger buddies know the past month or so I've been going through an extremely rough patch in my life between my job and my ex I probably couldn't choose which one has hurt me the most, and those who know me know how bad my ex can be.

With that being said, Debbie you stuck with me brightened some of my worst days with your emails and true heart felt concern for my well being. I wasn't always good at replying or communicating with you but please know you are and will always be in my prayers. I want you to know I'm doing 100% better now, still have the drama but at least I have a little comfort knowing the court system is involved, and I have no fear of loosing my son.

In closing once again I can't thank you enough for just being you, and to God for putting you in my life.

Love you Debbie, and yes.....

WRKS4ME IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!

So fellow bloggers cover ears, hide your children and prepare for anything. Because no topic is off limit to me, and I don't hold back.

P.S. the font is large on purpose, just in case scooch didn't have her glasses on I wanted to make sure she could read it..

:)

I'm not a fan of Paris Hilton. I also don't hate her. How can anyone "hate" someone they don't know?

The reason I feel she didn't get what she deserved is very simple. Nobody should be sentenced for "who" they are, instead of "what" they did wrong. She was sentenced unfairly in my opinion. I've seen habitual criminals, with worse crimes get "time served" after a few days. All because of over crowding in the jails. I can't believe I work my butt off so that my tax dollars can spend more money than I make in a year on such a hardened criminal as Paris Hilton. Yea I feel my money was spent well on this one. I will sleep much better knowing that Miss Paris Hilton is locked securely away for the unforgivable crime that she commiited.

Yes I'm being sarcastic, and no I'm not making light of her actions. They were wrong, she broke the law. You don't drink and drive, you don't drive on a suspended liscense and more importantly you should always show nothing less than the utmost respect for the judges and our courts. But what did she really do that is such a threat to our society that she deserves the sentence she was given. So she was born with a golden spoon in her mouth, and a trust fund large enough to support 2 third world countries through the next millinium. She's spoiled rotten, probably a snob who is never told "no". Blame her parents for that, not her.

Let the punishment fit the crime. That's what I was always taught. Not how to get away with punishing someone for "who" they are instead of "what" they did.

How can you protect yourself when your abuser knows not to leave a mark. How do you protect yourself when your abuser starts manipulating the law. How do you protect yourself when your abuser is smarter than your protectors. How do you protect yourself when your abuser is within 5  inches of your face, and you can see in his eyes how bad he wants you dead. I can answer all those questions in two simple words, YOU CAN'T.

Now I know alot of people will start telling me about all the legal avenues that you can go through to keep yourself safe from your abuser. There's restraining orders, there's DV safe houses, there's DV programs to teach you how to defend yourself and much more. But the bottom line is this, if your abuser really wants to get to you he will. And there's not a law out there that's going to stop him/her from killing you if that's the intention.

After 2 1/2 years of rebuilding from the mental abuse that was inflicted apon me by my EX. It only took him one week to re-install all the fear that I had which promted me to run for my life in the first place. The only difference is I didn't run this time, I actually thought I would get the protection of the law, and the law enforcers. I can tell you now, that's not the case and what's so scary is that my abuser knows it too. 

In less than one week I've had the cops come to me three times, and two out of those three times my son watched. them do nothing to protect me. Why? No visible marks. Me emotionally torn down with the amount of fear that was just infused into me wasn't enough to even go talk to him. The first time was because we were arguing on the phone, he hung up on me and when he immediately tried to call back and couldn't get through he called the cops on me.

Claiming that he felt our son was in danger, that all he heard was me yelling at our son (lie #1) and then the phone went dead (lie #2) and after numerous tries he couldn't get through on the phone to find out what was happening (lie #3) So would they (the cops) go out and make sure his son was safe. So of course and I'm glad the cops do that, they came out realized it was nothing and left. Did anything happen to my EX? Not a thing, I even have an email from him asking me if it bothered me that the cops came to my door?

Starting with that incident, and ending with him verbally attacking me coming within 5 inches of my face with my back against my car door.  When I reached for my phone to call the cops, he tried twice to take it away and throw it as he has done to me on many previous incidences. Once he realized the cops were on their way, he took off like the little girl he is. The cops arrive, he's gone, and the only physical evidence that he was even there was my emotional break down and our son sitting in the back seat of the car.

What did the cop do for me? He was compassionate and gave me good advice, did he do anything to my EX. No, there were no physical marks left on my body to warrant him to even go investigate the incident. My EX knows this and uses it to his advantage every chance he gets. What's sad is my EX was told by the OC Sherriff that came out earlier that the exchange of our son was to be peaceful and that neither one of us was to speak to the other. which it also states in the mediation papers that were filed in the courts. I upheld my end by not saying anything to him, until he charged after me and our son trying to prevent me from picking Daniel up because I said "maybe next time" when I was asked if Daniel could stay for a sleep over that night with his friend.

Jim broke the law, many times that day. Yet not only did I walk away from this being the "bad guy" but emotionally sent back to that terrified wife that fled from him 2 1/2 years ago from NV.  I know in the long run I have everything documented and the courts will see it. But until then what protection do I have, when he knows that he can break the laws and nothing will happen to him unless he leaves a mark.

I've tried my best to keep Daniel out of this whole thing. Walk away everytime Jim starts to drag him into our issues. Not let him push my buttons infront of our son. But I'm only human and I have a breaking point, and it broke my heart on Sunday when Daniel asked me while we were waiting for the cops to show up "mommy can't we just go home?" What do you do? You've ran away, or pretended it didn't happen through out your whole marriage. Even through this seperation yet over and over I'm put into a situation where Daniel is once again forced into it by his dad. While I then have to listen to people tell me "we" need to leave Daniel out of this when I'm not the one dragging him in. Leaving it up to me to let it go shielding Daniel from any other pain, or taking a stand and fighting back with the hope that it will eventually stop. How can I live with myself knowing that I'm teaching him to defend himself against bullies at school while I run away from my own bully. How do I teach my son it's not right to treat women the way his father does, yet he sees no consequences for his father's actions?

I've been told to get a lawyer, take him to court. It's a nice thought but when you can't even afford a lawyer's adivice let alone a retainer you're at the mercy of your abuser, because as the leagle father he has rights. I'm open to any advice someone might have, I've tried every avenue I can think of with no sucess. Before anyone says "leagle aid" I've been on the waiting list for a lawyer to be assigned my case for over a year.

If anything just venting has helped me tremendously, thank you for that.

With mother's day right around the corner, I wanted to take a moment to wish my mother a very special mother's day. This is probably going to be the hardest mother's day for my mother to have to endure. I can't even image what she's going to go through, with the loss of my brother still so fresh on her heart.

Mom,

I know this year is going to be especially hard for you. With Steve's death still so fresh on our hearts, and our grief still so raw. I want you to know that no matter how hard it is, I'll be there for you.

I love you so much, and not just because you're my mother. You're far more to me than just my mom. You're my best friend, my mentor, and my strength. You taught me how to be strong when I was at my weakest. Yet showed me the art of compassion with your shoulder to cry on and a safe house to sleep in after I fled from Jim.

I wish there was some way I could ease your pain this mother's day, but I know I can't. I am a very lucky and blessed woman, I've never lost a child. My prayers will be with you, and I want you to know that Steve will come to make sure you have  a happy mother's day. He's never missed one yet, and even though he's in a better place. He's still a "Roy", and as a "Roy" we all know he'll finish up all his projects in heaven. To make sure that you know, he's still around and loves you so very much.

You told me on my birthday this year that I was a very good mother. Well mom, I had a great role model to take notes from. Because if I'm a good mother it's only because you showed me how. You are a fantastic mother, an I'm blessed that you're mine.

Happy Mother's Days Mom, may God Bless you.

I love you, Sylvia

I would also like to take a moment to wish all of my blogger friends, Scooch, MemoryJoe, Dasvics, and all the rest of you A very Happy Mother's Day. It's our day ladies, let's make the most of it.

Sylvia...:)

I know there's this big issue out there about whether to spank your kids or not. I don't care how you choose to discipline your kids. I'm just pleading with the parents of today to just take control of their own kids.

While at work yesterday, these 4 punk white boy wanta-bees around 15-17yrs old came into my store. They seemed nice enough no problems, looking to rent some games. When we didn't have the games they wanted they left peacefully. Just about 5 minutes later, they pulled up out front. One ran in, threw down my bubble gum machine and ran out the door. Did I leave out the part where he stopped to smile at me on his way out.

This was clearly an act of just plain disrespect, not terrorisim. Maybe even just a dare, how sad. I know people will yell, you can't control what your kids do when you're not around. Well let me tell you this, if that's what they do when you're not around. What does that say about how the act when you are. When did it become alright to raise your kids with a complete lack of respect for others.

My sons do and did their share of mischievious acts. But I can honestly say that disrepsecting others property wasn't one of them. I spanked my first son, I started spanking my second. Then was shown there were different ways to discipline without the use of violence that were just as affective.

Now I'm not telling anyone how to take control of their kids, or judging the way you do discipline your kids. All I'm asking is that you start disciplining them, and teach them the value of repspecting others and their property. These are the same kids that are going to be running our country in 30 years. Now I know the idiots that are running it now can't fill a hole of dirt without an act of congress.

Don't we want our country to be ran by a better class of people in the future, not worse?

I know my intelligence level isn't as high as say Bill Gates. But I truely don't understand this immigration reform issue. My Godfather was from Mexico, my cousins whom I lived with for 2 years of my life are Mexican/American. This being said my question is not based on lack of tolerance towards another culture. My question is strickly based on the laws.

I saw the protest last year of all the students walking out of school. I see the banners flying high, equal rights to immagrants. I guess what I don't understand is, are they protesting for the rights of "legal" immagrants or "illegal" immagrants? The reason I ask is because I believe if you're in this country legally then by all means you deserve equal rights. My grandfather was from Canada, so I do have blood from other countries. But if you come into this country from no matter where illegally, why should you have the same rights to this country as your brother that came over the legal road?

I'm not trying to start a huge racial issue, I just don't understand what the upcoming protest tomarrow is truely about. And to tell you the truth, I don't think alot of those kids that are going to walk out of school tormarrow know either.

I love this whole research thing that I've been doing.

After thinking long and hard about the post my Ex made last week and the comment about my first marriage being in question as far as the divorce. So I started talking to my first husband about it, and he reassured me once again that we were in fact legally divorced. Just like he had when I wanted to get married to my second husband.

I mean after all, my first husband had  already been re-married for about 6 years at this point. So I didn't even question it, I believe I'm divorced. On the other hand though Jim was upset with my first husband for trying to put doubt in my mind in order to stop our wedding. So he took it apon himself to send my first husband an email. Telling him that whether or not I had a copy of my divorce papers it was not going to stop him (Jim) from marrying me. Because as far as he was concerned I was legally divorced.

Bigamy is a D class Felony.   If a person knowinly marries a second person while still married to the first, said person has committed  bigamy. (in a nut shell definition) 

Here's the kicker... If a person knowingly marries someone who is not legal divorced from their first marriage is also guilty of Bigamy.

Which I believe is a class D felony, if I remember correctly. Now I happen to know that I am divorced from my first husband. I just thought it was ironic that Jim was so strong to marry me, without the actual document, but isn't  strong enough to divorce me without the actual document.

Just makes me think...

Big plans all the way around, my son has a new friend. I'm so excited for him, he went over to his friends house to play all afternoon yesterday. The best part about it was when I asked him if he had a good time, his relply was fantastic!! He didn't miss home. Now I know everybody is say "What's the big deal"? Kids his age do this all the time, nothing new or spectacular. For my son though, we're talking about a kid that absolutely, 100%, hates any and I mean any kind of change in his routine. The idea of going over to a friends house is all good, and he has a good time. But usually not to long into it, he's wanting to come home because he misses his home so much. So it was a big day in the Roy's household.

Now the best part, he's got a sleep over tomarrow night and my long awaited plans for mommy have been made. !!!!!

For the first time in over 2 years I will be able to go out on the town with no worries, or fears. With my best friend by my side we're hitting the beach, the bar, the dance floor. Not necessarily in that order though.

My life has finally taken a turn in the right direction, when one door closes another one opens. When this one opened, it blew the entire roof off the house. There's no closing this one, not ever.

I just don't understand why my EX won't stop trying to intimidate me. I left him over 2 years ago, for that reason and many many more. I even afterwards I truely tried in my heart to put our family back together. It just wasn't meant to be. So now after all this time, he's had a revolving door of woman in his motel room. I've been out with a few different men, I'm involved with one right now.

Instead of just moving on, and trying to work out the visitation and custody without threats. Why does he feel this need to continue to try an intimidate me? Doesn't he realize that we live in america and that him and I aren't living together meaning I don't have to listen to him and his temper tantrums. I've told him before to save it for his girlfriends.

He claims I won't leave him alone, yet he's the one that's constantly contacting me. Claiming it's to talk to his son, well he called last night after 9:00pm. He knows darn good and well that our son is in bed during the week by 9:00pm. He needs to just stop with all the lies, and the parinoria because he lost the rights over me when he gambled his entire paycheck away on our son's 6th birthday. He's going to have another chance to try and do this divorce in an adult and fair way. But I know he's going to come into this with the idea that I don't want him to have any contact with his son. Think about that, why would I want to hurt Daniel like that? After 8 long years he still doesn't really know me, if he did he'd know that even a "bad" father is better than "no" father. Except in the case of physical, mental or sexual abuse than the war is on. I'll protect my son at any cost.

I think I would have little more empathy for his inability to let me go, if I actually thought is was because he still loved me. But he doesn't, as a matter of fact he hates me. He chose his current lifesyle, and it's not the same lifestyle that we had as a family. It personally makes me sick, but as long as he shields it from our son it's his life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to judge him. I'm just more of a one man kinda woman, not an entire fleet.

I can't believe the stones on my Ex. We got into a fight a couple of days ago, and I didn't back down this time. So as par for the course I got the threats, and the nice names that he sol lovingly likes to call me when he's mad. Ladies you know, the one every woman hates to be called. Anyway I'm so used to it, it doesn't bother me anymore.

Anyway, knowing he would fill up my voicemail, send me nasty emails, and anything else he can to push my buttons again. I blocked his phone calls, blocked his email address, and even had to go as far as block his email address from my mother's inbox. Mainly because last time this happened he found the need to send her the ungly things to tell me. Well this time since he couldn't get through any other channels he sent an email to my father calling me a "stupid f-ing c%nt". Through out the day, I got (no lie) 70 missed calls from him.  Finally he decided to post a comment on my "ex-husband" post. You should all read it, it's quite amusing.

My moral issue is this, I'm truely happy with the man I'm with, and I don't care that my ex is living with another woman. I don't want to get involved but I know had somebody told me about what he did to his first wife, and nearly killing one of his girlfriends before me. I think I would have had second thoughts about marrying him. Even if he charmed his way out of it, and still went ahead with the wedding. I can honestly say, I wish someone had come forward about him. His whole family knows how he treats woman. Should I say anything to this girl that's living with him, most of me says "no, it's none of my business" but the compassionate side of me says "what if he goes to far this time and really does some permanent damage, could I have prevented it?"

I know he's making me out to be the crazy one, that's how he explained all his ex's. I don't really care what he tells his friends about me. I know he's not telling her the truth about anything, but that's their problem not mine. I truely don't know if I should say anything. Part of me wants to even if it falls on deaf ears, at least I'll know I tried. But the other part of me is just plain gratefull that it's not me he's abusing anymore. If you read his comment, you'll see he truely doesn't see himself as a batterer. Just a few weeks ago he was telling me how he wanted to beat this guy up because he beat up his friends daughter. The whole time I'm listening to him, I just can't believe that he sees it when it happens to someone else's daughter. But doesn't see it as abuse when he did the same to me.

Anyway, since you all are so good with advice I thought I would ask. Just stay out, or should I say something?

It's reallly a very simple question. 

Brief background, we've been seperated since 10/04. I fled with our only son together, due to domestic violence (More mental than physical). The first year both of us kinda kept the door open for getting back together, with counseling. Once I was told (by him) that irregaurdless of how he felt about me, he would "not allow himself to get back together" with me. Fine, hard at first because I didn't leave him because I stopped loving him, I left because of the violence. Anyway I moved on he's moved on, after a lot of very bad fighting a year goes by. And we're in the present, last Dec his mother died. I was there to support him, my brother diies and he's there to support me. We're getting along better than ever, might say better than when we were together. Nothing romantic, nothing about us trying to work it out. Pretty much a given that we've both moved on and now we're realizing that we can be friends.

Here's where the problem arises. Last weekend when we met to exchange our son so that he can spend time at his father's house. My ex hands me a CD that he had made right after I left him, along with a lottery ticket. He explains to me that he just ran across this and thought I should listen to it. So that I would have a better understanding of where his mind set was at the time. I told him I already know, he was bitter, mad, lonely and sorry.  He proceeds to tell me it's more than that, and that I should just listen. 

So I did, and I was right about it & so was he to a certain degree. Had he mentioned some of this back then, things might have turned out differently.  What it did though was bring back alot of old feelings that took me awhile to get rid of. I asked him what the point was in me having to listen to it, his reply.. "I just thought you should know" Well I've once again dealt with the old feelings and now the questions are starting to pop up.

Knowing that he has a woman staying with him until she can get on her feet (so he says). She's someone from our married past. The only woman in the world that I have trouble not "hating". She once told me she would take my husband away from me, not because she loved him. Only because she knew she could if she wanted to. I think you ladies out there know the type of woman I'm talking about. She knows my Ex likes to be the big hero, and rescuer of a woman in distress. It's not a sexual issue with him, it's more of an ego issue.

Anyway, knowing she's there. Why would he want to bring back old memories of "us". Painfull memories that we both had put behind us, and moved on. I know it wasn't to intentionally hurt me, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't an attempt to put us back together. I just don't understand why, and I'm hoping someone out there can give me some insight.

There may never be an answer to this question, just something I'll eventurally have to quit asking. 

I will very shortly do just that and move on.

Today is my brother Steve's birthday, he would have been 49yrs old. It was a hard start for me this morning, but I celebrated the rest of the day. My oldest brother Ray created a beautiful web site and dedicated it to Steve. After Ray put up the site and posted his letter paying his respects, my other brother Patrick posted his letter. I knew when I read them both that as moving as they were. I had to stop to wipe my tears more than a couple of times. That to really bring this tribute to full circle I would have to post my own. I didn't want it to be just a bunch of words with no real substance. So I waited until it was just the right time and with God's inspiration just the right words to express how much I love and respect my entire family. Today was the day that I posted on Ray's web site, I'd love for you to stop by and share in our love for each other. It will truely move even the hardest of hearts.

http://chess-strategies-101.blogspot.com/2007/02/in-me
mory-of-my-brother-steve.html

Feel free to leave a message, I know my brother would appreciate your support.

My older brother Patrick just called me to wish me a happy birthday.  Thanks Pat, I love you. Also wanted to tell you, my very surreal moment was when I felt the airplane tires come off the ground on the flight home.

Since my oldest son named me "the lent monitor" while we were in NC for Steve's funeral.To all you catholics out there, an anyone else that practices lent. No meat today for lent. .

I am just so blessed; our family no matter how far apart in miles we live. We have a very strong family bond, and I thank Jesus everyday not just for my family, but for that special bond.