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How can you protect yourself when your abuser knows not to leave a mark. How do you protect yourself when your abuser starts manipulating the law. How do you protect yourself when your abuser is smarter than your protectors. How do you protect yourself when your abuser is within 5 inches of your face, and you can see in his eyes how bad he wants you dead. I can answer all those questions in two simple words, YOU CAN'T.

Now I know alot of people will start telling me about all the legal avenues that you can go through to keep yourself safe from your abuser. There's restraining orders, there's DV safe houses, there's DV programs to teach you how to defend yourself and much more. But the bottom line is this, if your abuser really wants to get to you he will. And there's not a law out there that's going to stop him/her from killing you if that's the intention.

After 2 1/2 years of rebuilding from the mental abuse that was inflicted apon me by my EX. It only took him one week to re-install all the fear that I had which promted me to run for my life in the first place. The only difference is I didn't run this time, I actually thought I would get the protection of the law, and the law enforcers. I can tell you now, that's not the case and what's so scary is that my abuser knows it too.

In less than one week I've had the cops come to me three times, and two out of those three times my son watched. them do nothing to protect me. Why? No visible marks. Me emotionally torn down with the amount of fear that was just infused into me wasn't enough to even go talk to him. The first time was because we were arguing on the phone, he hung up on me and when he immediately tried to call back and couldn't get through he called the cops on me.

Claiming that he felt our son was in danger, that all he heard was me yelling at our son (lie #1) and then the phone went dead (lie #2) and after numerous tries he couldn't get through on the phone to find out what was happening (lie #3) So would they (the cops) go out and make sure his son was safe. So of course and I'm glad the cops do that, they came out realized it was nothing and left. Did anything happen to my EX? Not a thing, I even have an email from him asking me if it bothered me that the cops came to my door?

Starting with that incident, and ending with him verbally attacking me coming within 5 inches of my face with my back against my car door. When I reached for my phone to call the cops, he tried twice to take it away and throw it as he has done to me on many previous incidences. Once he realized the cops were on their way, he took off like the little girl he is. The cops arrive, he's gone, and the only physical evidence that he was even there was my emotional break down and our son sitting in the back seat of the car.

What did the cop do for me? He was compassionate and gave me good advice, did he do anything to my EX. No, there were no physical marks left on my body to warrant him to even go investigate the incident. My EX knows this and uses it to his advantage every chance he gets. What's sad is my EX was told by the OC Sherriff that came out earlier that the exchange of our son was to be peaceful and that neither one of us was to speak to the other. which it also states in the mediation papers that were filed in the courts. I upheld my end by not saying anything to him, until he charged after me and our son trying to prevent me from picking Daniel up because I said "maybe next time" when I was asked if Daniel could stay for a sleep over that night with his friend.

Jim broke the law, many times that day. Yet not only did I walk away from this being the "bad guy" but emotionally sent back to that terrified wife that fled from him 2 1/2 years ago from NV. I know in the long run I have everything documented and the courts will see it. But until then what protection do I have, when he knows that he can break the laws and nothing will happen to him unless he leaves a mark.

I've tried my best to keep Daniel out of this whole thing. Walk away everytime Jim starts to drag him into our issues. Not let him push my buttons infront of our son. But I'm only human and I have a breaking point, and it broke my heart on Sunday when Daniel asked me while we were waiting for the cops to show up "mommy can't we just go home?" What do you do? You've ran away, or pretended it didn't happen through out your whole marriage. Even through this seperation yet over and over I'm put into a situation where Daniel is once again forced into it by his dad. While I then have to listen to people tell me "we" need to leave Daniel out of this when I'm not the one dragging him in. Leaving it up to me to let it go shielding Daniel from any other pain, or taking a stand and fighting back with the hope that it will eventually stop. How can I live with myself knowing that I'm teaching him to defend himself against bullies at school while I run away from my own bully. How do I teach my son it's not right to treat women the way his father does, yet he sees no consequences for his father's actions?

I've been told to get a lawyer, take him to court. It's a nice thought but when you can't even afford a lawyer's adivice let alone a retainer you're at the mercy of your abuser, because as the leagle father he has rights. I'm open to any advice someone might have, I've tried every avenue I can think of with no sucess. Before anyone says "leagle aid" I've been on the waiting list for a lawyer to be assigned my case for over a year.

If anything just venting has helped me tremendously, thank you for that.

wrks4me's Blog

The Bruises You Can't See In Domestic Violence

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