lisaannesh's Blog

I wonder if you ask the people of Iraq what they want out of all the conflict what they would say? I bet it would be for all the bullets to stop being fired.

Over the last few weeks some strange is going on. I have these awful nightmares that started when The USS Cole was bombed. I have gotten so tired of trying to liste4n to any news that I could get hold of. The Day that Daniel Perl went missing, I couldn't stop crying. Everything got so confusing when Bush was elected Pres. This is not Bush busting in any way. I keep seeing those planes hit the towers.

I remember a time not so long ago for me. Going to bed in the spring, Windows open and the door unlocked. Nobody would mess with you because it is more fun n sneaking out after everyone else is fast asleep. I remember lots of warm summer nights that were better spent walking around all the streets at 2 am. I remember going up to Duncan Donuts because we didn't have Denys. That was ok because we were outside and no one new. You knew you were safe from upset parents was when you got around the corner and the lights were off.

Where did everything change? When did we decide to be angry and scared to the piont that we sign away all the freedoms that make this the best place in  the world to live. I want to know when will we stop. We have many tasks to do and so little time to do them in. We will be judged by those that come after us as either Saints, that realized the catastrophic environmental Damage or we will be the ones remembered for all the hell and anguish that we had the chance to make a difference and didn't.

We are losing and I just don't know how to change it

How to tell if you relationship is healthy

If you stray away with someone else

Your not the man I thought you were

If you raise your hand to me in anger and leave marks upon my body

Your not the man I thought you were

If you don't defend my honor when I am being hurt by others or if you join in on "the fun"

Your not the man I thought you were

If you seek another woman out who makes you feel better then I do and you can tell her things you can't tell me and if She is your best friend

then your not the man I thought you were

If you can't respect and except me for who I am and the beliefs I have

Your not the man I thought you were.

If you get angry or jealous when I am triumphant

Your not the man I thought you were

If we fight about everything and nothing gets resolved

Your not the man I thought you were

If I don't feel safe or I feel threatened in any way, if I can't except the way that you treat me and IF I GET CREEPED OUT IN ANY WAY OR AT ANY TIME, I*f i feel pressured to do something that I know is wrong

Your not the man I thought you were.

I take full responsibility for you not being who I thought you were because I judged you with my emotions and not my brain. I didn't listen to the little voice in my head. . It is all me. I judged you to be some one I wanted you to be and not who you truly are and I was mistaken. Thank you for the gift of knowing you and the gifts of knowledge and self esteem that you have brought to my life.

I have learned from this experience that I am worth everything and I deserve to be in a good relationship and I am worth way to much to settle for anything less. Good bye and may you find what ever you are looking for in life. I forgive you in honor, respect, peace and love

by Lisa A Shi9ner

Today of all daysas I sat  in the tub, I thought about those who have gone on before.

Those that have laid down their lives for the freedoms that we are so quickly giving up out of fear. Those wonderful men and women, some barely old enough to vote, our brightest and our best. So young and yet willing to risk their very existence in this world so that people can stay at home on election day and say this has nothing to do with me. Your right it does have nothing to do with you. You vote out of respect for those that have laid down their past, present and future for the Republic that is fed with blood, sweat and tears.

We cannot let the deaths of any of our soldiers be in vane. It is time to stand up for them. When they are injured we must care.

When they hurt we must bring comfort.

When they are hungry we must feed them.

WHEN THEY ARE INJURED, WE MUST HEAL THEM !

BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT

The TXU buyout seems to have been tainted since the beginning. The ads on TV said that the new owners wouldn't build any new coal plants and they intended to diversify and "explore green technology". When all was said and done and the new owners sat before Congress they said that they couldn't say that they wouldn't build the 10 proposed coal plants after all.

Congress tried to get them to say they would only build three new plants. They said that they couldn't say that just how many new plants would have to be built to handle the increase in in our population. Congress freaked out. They realized that there were no laws in place to stop what was happening. They called an emergency session to get the needed laws passed.

Then came THE CARLISLE GROUP came  and will save the day. THE CARLISLE GROUP IS AN ENERGY CONSORDIUM THAT IS RUN BY THE bush's AND THE Saudi royal family. There is something bigger going on here. I have been looking into the Carlyle Group for several years now. I have more questions then answers right now. I am very concerned about the TXU situation and the Carlyle Group and the war in Iraq and Bush's desire to reclaim The Holy Land.

Keep your eyes and ears open. Our generation will either be remembered as one of the greatest or the worst in American history. We have already lost so many freedoms because of fear. As far as attacks on our soil go, there have been many, any attacks on other people's siol. We are world citizens not just Americans..

February 28th was a very important day when concerned people in our state, who care about women's health issues, went to Austin to lobby congress for reproductive rights and the rights of women to be able to get the quality health care that we deserve.  I have the right to choose what my body will do and won't do. I would want my daughter to have that freedom to choose the destiny of  her body. There are several good things that happen when our teenagers have the education that they need to make an informed and intelligent decision.

You see a drop in V.D. and HIV.

You will see a rise of respect for the act of sex.

Those that will will, maybe we can give them the tools to for self esteem along with contraception. Not only will you see a drop in young pregnant women we will see a drop in eating disorders.

You would see a reduction in teen violence. Maybe people won't feel forced into a bad decision if they are not forced into getting pregnant. Pregnancy should always be a time of great joy and every child should be wanted and cherished as the true gift that they are..

There isn't going to be more teen sex just because they know how to use a condom.

The tax payers would see a drop in tax vs welfare spending because these children will still be children and not young adults facing parenthood.

In my old age I have come to realize that the soul of a child comes when the first breath is taken. Yes I know that the brain is working and a heart is beating. I can't believe that God would allow a soul to be lost through miscarriage or abortion. I believe in cellular memory and that is why the baby moves inside its mothers tummy.  Why would God, who all life is sacred to, allow a soul, the most precoiuus gift, life be lost.

When I was 14 years old I met a man who answered phones at a Chicago radio station. I began calling this man on the phone because I liked the atention. He told me to keep our secreat because my parents wouldn't understand. In a short time he had made me think that he was the only person who understood me. I walked out of my parents house a 15 year old child.I was with them for 3 months. They took really good care of me. Les and his mother started telling me that we as a family need money because your being here is costing us way to much money and we can't pay our bills. Being underage no one would hire me. They had a way for me to make some really good money and since they were the only people who loved me, I should help. Les's mom told me that all I had to do is have a drink with this guy and that would be it. As I was getting ready, she brought something hoky like warm milk to settle my nerves. When I woke up I was laying on a bed with what I thought was a bracelet on my ankle. I tried to get up to sit and my head was so mixed up. I was in that place for 3 months. They told me that if I caused any trouble, my parents would have to be punished and the dogs and cat would be4 killed infront of me so that the last thing they saw before they died was my face.

I was able to evenhtually get a phone call made to a therapist because my mom would have been at work. The therapist wasn't there either. The saving grace was that he had all his calls trapped. Before the days of caller id.

They didn't come right away due to legal issues that existed at the time. Because I left my parents house willingly at 14 and got into his car willingly there was no9thing that could be done at the time.

When I was finally freed from the horrors of what I had to do chained to that bed to whom ever my keepers told me I was to be with and I did everything asked of me they would be nice to me. I would get rewards if a custamer sdaid that I was special or a treat to be with. I wanted to go home as the time passed home bgecame a far away place and the need to survive was my only goal. As time passed, they became my family. The fed me and kept me "safe"

I know what the oldest boy in misouri is thinking right now and that is how to get the capture out of jail. This child has co0me to rely on the capture for everythingt. You know you have the person in your thinking when you cry and they comfort you. That happened to me. When the people were arested and charged with interfering with a parent and recieved a slap on the rist, leaving court Les said Don't forget I love you. This was in 1978. I am so glad to see all the changes in the legal system and the stiffer penalties that are given to child preditors. It would have been nice to have that in place for me. I AN GLAD THAT THE LAWS ARE INPLACE NOW.

I am just about to turn 43 and it has taken me this long to realize that I am a beautiful woman. I was always waiting for the day that I would be thin enough or pretty enough to be a worth while human being. I have had weight issues all of my life. At my lowest I weighed 6.5 pounds (at birth). When I reached high school some one told me I was fat and ugly so at 5.0 feet tall I went down to 68 pounds. At my highest I weighed 330 pounds.

It took me 42 years to realize that I am a beautiful woman and that the only opinion of my apperance that matters was mine. I have done some really difficult things that took me a long time to become proud of.

I see these wonderful women and teenagers punishing themselves because they don't look like someone on TV or in magazines that has had thier photos altered. They are punishing themselves because they don't look like someone who doesn't really exist.

I had to let go of all the false expectations that I put on myself. I have come to except who I am and to love myself and not rely on what other people say about me. I used to cut, binge and perge, the whole shot. I did everything I could to punish me because it was just easier then listening to what the media was telling me.

Now when I look in the mirror I see me for who I truly am. A creature who was created in the image of God and if God thinks that I am importent enough to be given the breath of life then I need to respect that gift. When I learned to respect the most precious gift that God can give (the breath of life)I had to change every thing that I thought about myself and did to myself. I started to do things for myself rather then to myself. I no longer worry about my weight,I live each day as the gift that it truly is. I know that each day is a gift from my higher power and if I don't live it as such it is a slap in God's face.

I don't sit at home and feel sorry for myself anymore. I go out and live my life in a healthy way. I do a lot of walking and talking to my higher power and each time I reach a goal I feel better about who I am. Because of the respect that I have for the wonderful gift of life that I have been given I eat better, I take better care of myself and most importent of all I have learned to love me. I have been free of binging and perging now for about 2.5 years. I don't let the world tell me what I should look like and how I should behave.

I rejoice evey day because I have one more day to live and be happy. I dance and I sing and I live each day making healthy choices in all aspects of my like.I don't diet and I listen to what my body tells me. I don't let other people dictate the size I should wear or who I should be. I rejoice each day in the gift that I have been given. A bi-product of this has been a turn around in my self image and a great upturn in my health.

I pray each night for all the young women and young men who are suffering with exceptance of who they are wether it be apearence or sexual orientation or mental health issues. I pray that we all find our own peace sooner then later.We are given the chance each day to laugh and dance and give thanks. It breaks my heart to see the pain that our young women and men are going through. Our kids are killing themselves to look like someone who has been air brushed and made up and doesn't even exist.

I*t looks as though we will soon be at war with Iran and that most of the people in this country wouls support this action. This bothers me because I don't think that we can win a war with them because wars faught by people who are fighting for thier homes and ways of life are willing to do so much more then an invader because this is thier home. We did it to the British. It was done not only to the French in Viet Nam i8t was do9ne to us also.

I think that the Preisident wants to free the Holy Land and this is one step in the plan. Now that they think they have found a link to the insergency in Iraq, it is just a matter of time until we try to invade Iran. We don't have enough soldiers to do that. They are already talking about recinding "Don't ask. Don't tell" that should tell you how bad things are getting.

I am really scared about what is happening and what we are doing around the world. It gives me nightmares to the piont that I wake up crying at night. I don't want any more people to die on either side. The casualties on both sides has been way to high. We deposed Sadam, which was our goal. Now it is time to let them decide what they will become and who they will be. If not we will be invading Iran soon.

When two people love each other they should be able to show that love in the same way that everyone else does. This is America, the land of the free and the brave. Gay Americans should have the same freedoms and rights as every other American. We pay the same taqxes and we love the same way that everyone else does. I could go through the if we are cut do we not bleed the same color as you. We aren't asking for anything special or outragous. We are just asking for the same freedom that everyone else has. There are some of us that are way over the top, granted, yet there are many more of us that are just like you. We have the same politics, the same hopes and dreams that you have. Mariage is not just a Christian rite, it is a rite that is celebrated the worlod over by many different cultures in many different ways.
If I was with someone and wanted to spend my life with that person shouldn't I have that right. Shouldn't my spouce be eligable for the same rights and freedoms that your spouse has is I pay the same taxes and fallow all the rules of the society.

Let me kinow what you think. This issue isn't going away. We want our civil rights. We as a group has gone through more hate, persicution, violence and isolation as any other group. We are here. We are your sons and daughters, your mothers and fathers, your sisters and brothers and your friends. Most important of all, we are human beings just like you

I was very blessed to have met her several times. She was an amazing woman who made you believe that she could do anything. In the state of Texas she did amazing things during her administration.

I am a lesbian and for the first time I knew that we were going to finally have a voice in our state government because she gave us a voice. She gave so many people the courage to be themselves and to let others know who they truly were because she gave the LBGT community the safety that we hadn't had before.

When she cut off the lock at the governor's mansion we cheered because we got our candidate into office. Once she was in office she never forgot us. She made it a point to open the good ole boy network to the rest of us.

Ann Richards was my first major campaign. She gave minorities access to the government. She also appointed people from the LBGT community in her administration.

She let us know that yes. in the state of Texas anything is possible.

Annie I truly love you and respect you for everything that you did for us. Now it's time for you to do the same thing in that you did in life.

Annie make them laugh and make them think
I not only cry for you today, I also cry for our beloved state because a true patriot died yesterday

I Love You
Lisaannesh

The problems between Christians and The Followers of Islam has been going on since the Crusades. We have chosen to back certain governments in the mid east (the Shaw) who was an oppressive ruler who took from his people everything and kept it for himself.

There had to have been some deal making during Nixon's admin that really upset people in Iran because that admin soled arms to the Shaw and he used the arms against his own people. When his time in power came to an end we gave him a safe haven.

The new government was so angry that we allowed a criminal safe haven that they refused to let the hostages go once Carter was out of office. They hated Carter and refused to release the hostages until Reagan took office.

We will be invading Iran by the end of October. The feelings of anger and hate run very deep and everyone seems to have long memories.

Since 9/11 we have seen our freedoms guaranteed in the Constitution be stripped away for safety from terrorism. It seems ironic that a country based on Freedom that our mothers and fathers died for.

The conflict between Christians and Islam have been going on since the Crusades. The difference this time is that the attacks were here in this Country and on our soil. This wasn't even the fist attack on our soil.

We are world citizens. There is no such thing as the greater good. Even if there is such a thing who are we to decide this. If we can't keep our people safe within the Constitution, and we start using the thoughts of greater good then that opens the door wide open for all abuse as long as it is for the greater good.

Shouldn't we follow the rules. Wouldn't that be the best way for non-Democratic governments to see that YES our system works and we follow the rules because there is no such thing as the greater good