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by kurkel from st charles

Last Post 15 days, 17 hours Ago


Last Wishes...make them known....
Apr 8, 2008 | 7:35 AM
Category: News
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http://www.myfoxstl.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?con
tentId=6249544&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&p
ageId=3.5.1

That is the link to the story.....

I want to say that first of all....I firmly , 100% ...believe in them and feel everyone should have one.....BUT....

Just to let you know....unless your family....your children, your wife....those involved with making THOSE decsions FOR you...are on the same page....it may not happen!

I could tell you of several instances where there is an advanced directive (or living will) is in place....but the patient is unresponsive and cant say anything himself....and the family says....DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO....keep him/her alive.

Now sometimes its the Dr's fault in the ER....who ASKS the family member....We need to put them on a ventilator or do this to save them....do you want us to do this? Sometimes its the families coming in screaming....save them.

What I am telling you all...is MAKE sure your loved ones KNOW what you want and WILL stick to it!....B/C who will sue after the patient dies and the ER Doc hasnt done everything? Those family members..... So the Dr's listen to them.....

One more thing....living will....advance directive....it is about healthcare directives. Has NOTHING to do with who in the family gets what after you are gone! Have a great day all!

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Member Comments Total Comments: 35
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mr_wildflower read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 8:03 AM

Last wishes are not lawyer proof..... So many wills and arrangements have been contested and overturned....
cabowabostl read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 9:03 AM

Kurkel--while working iwth Seniors I have seen them have advanced directives(I helped fill it out), the MD has a copy but I guess the ER doesn't? and the local relatives know their wishes but here comes the son or daughter from out of town who hasn't seen their parent in 10 yrs and they want them kept alive! What are your suggestions? Have a copy at all times?
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 9:14 AM

Yes...cabowabostl...have a copy avail. to show to the ER Dr and whoever needs to see. Make sure the person apt. to make the decisions is strong and can overrule other family members.
The ER doesnt always see or even ask about a living will b/c of the crisis at hand...esp if family is saying...save them.
It is really really sad sometimes...esp when familys/sibling are torn apart b/c ea. wants different things.
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 9:18 AM

OK...for ez read....

1) Get the advance directive done and notorized.

2) Make sure the apt. person is on board and is fairly strong (personality) or have 2 that agree....

3) Make several copies of the living will or advanced directive. Have it on file at the hospital you go to BUT also have one to bring in with you. Have copies for those who may come in with you.....

4) BE VERY CLEAR in the directives as well as to your family what you DO want done and what you DONT want done...

5) IF your loved one IS a DNR...do not resuscitate....do not call 911....dont take them to the hospital. Let them die at home, at peace with their family at their side...and with dignity.
sarcasticdragon
Apr 8, 2008 | 9:23 AM

My aunt had a blood clot in her brain 4 yrs ago which she recovered from, but it made her realize that she could have ended up on total life support forever.

She made a living will and told everyone who would listen not to ever let her waste away on life support.

About 9 months later she had a massive stroke and then another blood clot all at one time and slipped into a coma. A week later all brain function stopped and only life support was keeping her alive.

At this point her family wanted to let her go. It was what she wanted. So they called the family in to say goodbye.

In walks this man and woman BEGGING us to not MURDER her. They claimed that only god has the power to take a life and that the doctors could be lying about her brain being dead.

They proceeded to show us letters from people whos loved one just woke up and started talking even though the doctor said they were brain dead.

My other aunts were like get out of here you weirdos, as they were leaving they claimed they could get custody of my aunt so they could keep her safe from us.

My aunt would die on her own a few hours later and we never heard more from those crazy people but could they really have taken her away from us?
lilmomma28 read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 9:54 AM

Informational purposes here....

I am going through this right now with my father. Who REFUSES to do anything. First let me say that I have contacted a lawyer to get pricing and to see which needs to be filed. The first is a Deed Of Trust. This is so the day something happens to you, your house automatically gets switched to your beneficaries name(s). Also known as Beneficiary Deed.

I was told that a Living Will does include personal belongings as well. However, with a living will it WILL go to Probate and it CAN be contested.

Living Trust is the better way to go for personal belongings. Does NOT go to probate and has a slim chance of being contested. However, there was some other term that was used for the Health part of it. Because the Trust is NOT for the health part of things. This was all a bit confusing and overwhelming for me.
lilmomma28 read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:00 AM

Also, you can appoint someone to be Power of Attorney and you can tell them what you want. My dad has 2 families basically. For some reason people die and family wants to fight about anything and everything. I AM the one who was appointed to care for him if he cannot. However, I am now begging my dad to get all of his wishes in writing. This way noone can come at me to say that is not what he wanted. I can show the paper with his signature and say yes it is. BAM!!!! Puts an end to any kind of argument that can arise. In light of what all has happened lately to my dad none of us knew what he would have wanted at the start of all of this. I hate the thought that if something had of happened to him before now then I would've spent the rest of my life wondering if we had done what he wanted. Although, some people cannot stand to talk about themselves dying. My dad is like this. It is important for you and your family to have these kind of things taken care of. Put an end to people guessing and fighting. Also think of what will happen to your property and personal belongings after probate gets a hold of them. Everything you worked for in your life will be gone in a flash.

GREAT BLOG!!!!
junonia read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:00 AM

My brother and I just got done a few weeks ago doing the things that you are talking about with my mother. She has early stage of Alzheimers. We wanted to make sure her wishes were granted while she still has the mental capacity to make certain decisions. It's something that alot of people choose not to think about, but in the long run it really gives you some piece of mind knowing that everyone is on the same page and there won't be any "in house fighting" when the end is near.
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:14 AM

sarcastic dragon....no they could not have taken your family member away from you. She obviously was brain dead and we as a hospital are no longer even required to get your permission to let them go if there is no brain function and we can prove it with cerebral blood flow studies...
even without that...no...
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:15 AM

sarc drag....what I want to know is what hospital let those idiots in???? and HOW did they know about her or find out about her?
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:20 AM

lilmomma...first let me say I am so sorry for what you are going thru. My prayers are certainly with you.

Second let me say....my hat is off to you for taking control of it and handling it.

Yes a trust is the best way to make sure others cannot fight over the belongings later.
A true living will....or advanced directive (the same thing...we used to call them living will but b/c of the confusion changed it to adv. directive)

But the health directive or advanced directive or living will has to be notorized with the patient and the appointed person and witnesses. That is what makes it legal. They make plenty of copies for him...for you...for home...for the hospital to keep etc....

Sounds like you have done your homework and have done a good job getting your bases covered. Unfortunately you are in the small percentile. Thanks for your response!
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:21 AM

lilmomma...one more thing. I just reread something you wrote...you know his wishes and you are the power of attorney...that is on paper and that is notarized ....yes? IF so make copies of that and bring it with you to the hospital so you can override any family member who may not be willing to let dad go...
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 10:23 AM

junonia...good for you and yes and amen! My mother in law lived with us for 12yrs and we knew her wishes at the end and all the family was in agreement...so she got to die at home, our home and very peacefully and with dignity.

That is what I would like for everyone. I work in an ICU and deal with this reg....plus my husband is a chaplain for hospice.
sarcasticdragon
Apr 8, 2008 | 11:37 AM

kurkel,

sorry dont remember the name, I didnt drive so I wasnt paying much attention, WashU sound right but I dont know for sure.

We had been talking about it in the waiting area and there were other people there we didnt know. Maybe they were listening the whole time to us.

Our waiting room was pretty crowded since the one other waiting room had been taken over by a family that couldnt control their kids.
They did all have really nice t-shirts with the dying man picture on it thou.
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 11:58 AM

lol sarcastic dragon...we would not have let them in your room...that was why I was wondering.

as for the kids ....go back to one of my older blogs about kids in the hospital...LOL...sorry.
lilmomma28 read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 12:14 PM

Thanks sooooooo much!!!!

YES! I have done too much homework I think. LOL! I have a headful of research and noone wants to listen LOL! YES! It is in writing and notarized and we do have copies of it. The bad thing is that is ALL it states. It does NOT go into detail. Kurkel, you would not beleive all the crap from the fam through all of this. I know what dad wants and we have papers that state I will make the decisions for him but there is no detail so therefore no matter what I do even though I would most definitely do dad's wishes they all will come at me to fight that I am just saying this is what dad wanted. They are causing more grief than you can imagine. I just want dad to put an end to the arguing now and an early end to what is yet to come.
I am gonna take up some of your blog and I hope you don't mind......
lilmomma28 read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 12:19 PM

Here it is.........

Dad is having heart failure. He is only working with 20% of his heart. There are alot going on with his heart because of the failure. Things really aren't looking too good. He looked at me alst week and said that he is going to beat this. I asked beat what? He then said... What is wrong with me! You will see I will beat this. I will live 20 more years. My step mom chalked all of this up to pneumonia at first even after the doc said it was his heart. Then, now he ahs a virus? They do not want to believe the truth or they don't get it. I am not sure which maybe a bit of both.

I told dad that what he has is NOT curable. It will not go away. Finally at the doc yesterday I said something to doc in front of dad and step mom and he confirmed that he will have this and be on medication for the rest of his life. Dad tried to say he had athletes heart? LOL! Doc said nope!!! I asked more questions and the doc said that the medicine is the best plan for my dad. His heart is too weak to withstand anything and that they feel it to be best to try to stabilize his condition and make him comfortable.
lilmomma28 read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 12:25 PM

It is hard to get him to do anything with legal papers when he believes this way. I cannot look at him and say dad you are dying. I KNOW that he is but I would never ever say that to him. My daddy is my world!!!

Then there are a few that know that his condition are serious and they are coming out of the woodwork stating I want this.... Ohhhh can I have that? MAKES ME WANNA PUKE!!!!!!!

They don't care about the man at all. Only what they can get. I alos want to say that the house goes to me and my sister. That house was my mother and father's home. They bought together and it has always been my home. Now, if you could see this house it isn't woth nothing at all so it isn't like anyone could make a profit on the house. It holds a significant place to me. My aprents were also married in that house. I had my step mom tell me the other day to my face that if something happened to him then she will always make sure I have a place in that house???? HUH???? Come again????

BTW when I say step mom.... They are NOT married! She is actually his first wife, the mother of my older brother. yes it is confusing and long story LOL! SHe also discredited my parents relationship to me.

I feel this is a huge game. I cannot say something to dad cause he is not supposed to be stressed out at all. Also she will twist things and me and him will argue and god forbid something will happen and I have to live with that.
kurkel read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 12:27 PM

No..I do not mind if you take up space on this blog...that is what it is here for, and I want to help.

You are absolutely correct about it is not curable. But you can live with a 20% ejection if they get the right meds in place.

But it is a permanent condition and one he needs to take seriously. He should be on a Good Cardiac diet...and when he is able he also should be active to build up his strength and heart muscle. Despite what people think sitting all the time is not best...if he is able. But meds CAN play an important part in this.

You were smart to ask those questions to the Doc in front of him and your stepmom
lilmomma28 read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 12:28 PM

She also told me that her and my dad will be buried together???? I think NOT!!!! Better kill me first!

To be honest it is a HUGE mess! I do not want this at all not what I signed up for. LOL! But, daddy knows I am responsible and strong and I WILL do what he wants. Just the 2 families clash together. Which by the way none of them care nor have before now.

I hope everyone sees the importance of taking care of these type of things.

Thanks for your prayers I greatly appreciate it! And I soooo apologize for taking up your blog but WHEW!!! That felt good. LOL!
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kurkel

I am someone who loves the Lord...who loves my family, and who loves my friends. I love warm days and sunshine....I love oceans and beaches....I love spending time watching my boys have fun....I love watching my Daughter become a beautiful adult and friend... I love spending time with my best friend and soul mate. I love friends...and I have some REALLY good friends! I have some friends that I have had for 15 yrs and some I have had less than a year! But I love them all just the same and love spending time with them. I will be there for you my friends...just ask! HUGS to you all! Thanks fox2 for this community and for this avenue of communication! It's fun as well as many other things!...thanks!

Member Since: 11/19/2007


 

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