Pablo_Kielbasa's Mombasa

Obviously voting for Obama is not an issue if both husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend both vote for him, but what if one is a McCain supporter? Will a split vote cause couples to part ways via political impasse?

(I personally would divorce my wife or show my girlfriend the door step if she voted for Obama, as I am a staunch McCain supporter, so be careful out there. There's lots of guys like me.)

OMG! That is so freaking racist!

WORLD NEWS- Liberal Chick Melissa Mann picked up an empty Reese's peanut butter nips wrapper with the "official nips of the 2008 Beijing Olympics" logo on it and slammed it down hard

"OMG! Can you believe this bullcrap?! The Olympics is totally xenophobic, sexist and racist! I mean, all of us newly enlightened Obama youth are fully aware that nationalities and culture are strictly figments of the imagination created by white Europeans to keep minorities down! There are no such things as countries you know! There is no Kenya, China, U.S.A., Russia, Serbia or any other country, just one world human race! That's what I call it, the World Human People Race! And why are women competing separately from men? That is so totally sexist! All of this racist, sexist and xenophobic bullcrap is designed to divide, not unite, and I'm a uniter not a divider!

Liberal Chick paused for the briefest moment to tweedle her trendy 12 buck reading glasses and actually breath in some air

"OMG! I mean, even the Olympic medal system is racist! Why is gold better than silver or bronze? What is bronze, like, a colored metal, because it's brown toned?! OMG! That is so totally freaking racist!"

When asked how future Olympics should be structured, Mann offered "One human race, one event, one medal, no one competes, everyone co-operates, everyone wins. And don't try to mess with me either, because I'm German, and Germans have a natural head for organization and discipline you know!"

The top 10 answers people volunteered when asked to describe presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll released Monday. Included is the percentage of people who gave each answer. More than one response was allowed.

John McCain:

1. Old, 19 percent

2. Military service, 9 percent

3. Record, qualifications, 8 percent

4. Bush, 7 percent

5. Strength, 7 percent

6. Insider, politician, 7 percent

7. Iraq, terrorism, 6 percent

8. Honest, 5 percent

9. Republican, 5 percent

10. (tie) Moral/good and dishonest, 4 percent

Barack Obama:

1. Outsider, change, 20 percent

2. Lack of experience, 13 percent

3. Dishonest, 9 percent

4. Inspiring, 8 percent

5. Liberal, 6 percent

6, 7 (tie). Obama's race, young, 6 percent

8. Not likable, 5 percent

9. Intelligent, 4 percent

10. Muslim, 3 percent

The AP-Yahoo! News poll of 1,759 adults was conducted from June 13-23 and had an overall margin of sampling error of plus or minus 2.3 percentage points. The poll was conducted over the Internet by Knowledge Networks, which initially contacted people using traditional telephone polling methods and followed with online interviews.

From these: To this. Pick your poison.

Barack Hussein Obama: A risky choice.

Did you know that Barack Obama is a smoker, who has only recently supplanted his nefarious, deadly habit with copious doses of equally folsom Nicotine chewing gum? You didn't? From ABC News .

"I've never been a heavy smoker," Obama told the Chicago Tribune. "I've quit periodically over the last several years. I've got an ironclad demand from my wife that in the stresses of the campaign I don't succumb. I've been chewing Nicorette strenuously."

Hmmm...okay...Obama has admitted to using both marijuana and cocaine in his youth, and now we learn that he is a "recovering smoker" who "strenuously" chews nicotine gum? Is Barack Hussein Obama a risky, cardiovascular afflicted presidential candidate with a simmering addictive chemical personality? Is this the kind of man we can trust as our leader in these stressful times? Only time, and pack after pack -and EKG after EKG- will tell.

Dizzy Liberal Chick thinks Reading Glasses give her an Implied Air of Authority


OMG! That is so f-ing racist!

CALIGULA, MS - Caligula Mississippi liberal student/activist Melissa Mann admitted that she wears intimidating horned rim reading glasses just to "intensify my points" on her seemingly boundless agenda of liberal academia. Mann describes:

"America is broken. Do you understand the meaning of broken?" exasperated the 19 year old Mann "These glasses give me the prescribed authority to be heard, and make things right. America is riddled with racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia and bigotry, and needs to be fixed now! Global Warming is threatening my personal future, I mean, like, OMG...WOW, and I have a legal right to control my own personal future, right?!...well, duh! And don't give me any crap, you bigot-sexist-neocon-homophobic-racists, and I damn well mean it!

Indeed, Mann is not alone.

Seeming droves of young, pampered and coddled liberal chicks have donned the aggressive themed Bella Abzug-esque reading frames over the last 5 years, clearly illustrating their seriousness and commitment to stomp out racism, sexism, global warming, homophobia and xenophobia with no sense of social indignation, cultural remorse, natural human repugnancy, scientific accuracy or without even fully knowing what these college 101 freshman invoked terms really mean. Why reading frames project such stern countenance is not widely agreed upon, although many psychologists think that they mimic a librarian air that suggests learned authority and societal control.

"Global Warming and Bush are synonymous!" piped Mann, even though her parent funded Toyota SUV, 3 bedroom apartment, big screen theater plasma TV and otherwise energy gobbling collegiate party lifestyle spoke anything but conservation, and that "racism is a myth propagated by conservatives and a social evil that must be stomped out now!", even though she candidly admits that she would easily consider dating a black guy, but that kids were strictly out of the question for "artistic reasons."

No word was out when reading glasses and liberalism would naturally fall out of vogue, but Mann promised "If you think for a minute that I'm wearing these glasses just to be sexy and as a fetish object for men to splooge on, you are way off base, and plus, remember that those ill-fated underwire bras of the 90's never said "stare at me too long and I'll rip your eyeballs out" when you wore them anyway!"

Uh-HUH!

Notorious for troubling, controversial quotes such as "Iowa will make the difference. If Barack doesn't win Iowa, it is just a dream. If we win Iowa, then we can move to the world as it should be.", Michelle Obama's mouth recently surpassed 101 developed nations as the world's new greenhouse gas emitting champion. U.S. Geological Survey spokeswoman Kari McGee explains.

"Michelle Obama's mouth is the latest source of carbon dioxide emissions that will prove to be a problem over the short term. We compare the heat-producing effects of a single typical Michelle Obama quote as producing the same amount of greenhouse gases as a 500 megawatt coal plant operating for one year, and it only promises to get worse as the November election approaches. The needle is off scale, and just keeps rising. Where it stops, nobody knows."

No word is out if her husband Barack will try to intervene to mitigate the effects of the Michelle peril, but gently mused "I think this has some oblique association with the phrase 'talking out of your [...]', from an environmental perspective at least, for sure."

Nancy Pelosi goes to college, part 2.

 Leftist House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is on her second spurious and folsom field trip, first to Syria to hob-knob and acknowledge the special emotional needs of Al-Qaeda, and now to morally throttle the Chinese for their military involvement in neighboring Tibet.

Let's read between the lines, here. Is her karma genuine, or is she merely exorcizing her undue power as House Speaker, ostensibly as America's clearly unofficial 'Human Rights Police' moral watchdog?

Signs point to the latter, of course, as is true with most bleeding hearts. Indeed, an insidious evil side lurks within Pelosi, one riddled with selfish power agenda and not human rights at all, it would seem. Furthermore, will her unofficial junket to Tibet spark a new Sino-American dysphoria unseen since the likes of the Korean War of the 1950's, and perhaps an outright military war with China as well? Only time, and more ultra-liberal politics, will tell.

 

Handily cleaved down the middle via race vs. gender, the DNC is ripe for slaughter via a landslide 70-30 victory by John McCain and the GOP in November of this year.

How? Why?

The Democrats, the party where "everyone is the same and race or gender doesn't matter anymore", is anything but equal or similiar this election year. The race/gender issues between Hillary Clinton and Hussein Obama is so heated and vitriolic as to almost appear to be the proper presidential contest itself.

But it isn't..

John McCain is moderate enough to steal Clinton's constituency away from Hussein Obama, giving McCain an easy victory.

America, meet your new president, John McCain!

After a tumultuous, questionably deserved hiatus, Pablo Kielbasa is back on the slippery, meandering trek to trace liberalism in America again, culminating in a stop at America's first liberal grocer, Greenwich Village's Peeplesmart. Peeplesmart manager C. Norman Krappwell describes:

Kielbasa: "Good morning Mr. Krappwell. What can you tell me about Peeplesmart? Why are you so cutting edge, politically correct and avant garde?"

Krappwell: "Well, first and foremost we have eliminated previous classifications among food. It is morally wrong to attach labels to food, you know. Food is food. There are no differences. You won't find a produce,  meat, or dairy section at Peeplesmart. Just food. No more class divisions among edibles. No more labels. Just food."

Kielbasa: "Umm, well how do I find a banana? Or some swiss cheese?"

Krappwell: "Sir, as I just mentioned, there are no labels here. If you want the items that you just mentioned, you will find them here, but they are not segregated and labeled in any fashion. All food is equal. No more Filet Mignon or hot dogs, just food. No more Tilapia or canned Tuna, just food. We don't even have the customary cuts of prime meats here at Peeplesmart, which is class divisive. We take the entire cow, brains, hams and loins included, and grind them into our exclusive "Peeplesburgers". Our efforts mirror our political efforts, you know, which is to eliminate any divisions among mankind, wheter they are real or not. Same thing goes here with food."

Kielbasa: "Err...okay.   I guess I can sorta see that. But what if someone comes in and asks for a corned beef sandwich with mustard?"

Krappwell: "Sir, again, the grand scheme is to modify not only the way people eat, but the way they think. We don't want anyone to even think that they want something so elite and countercultural as a Reuben, and the dilemma ends before it even begins. We just want people to simplify and homoginize their appetites into just wanting food. When people get hungry, they should only  think "I need food", eat food, and not subdivide it any further, under penalty of ostracism. Nothing more, period."

Kielbasa: "Well, that seems rather dreary. I mean, if I want a good Porterhouse Steak, a sour cream baked potato with crumbled bacon, wild rice mushroom pilaf and some Breyers frozen strawberry yogurt for dessert, why can't I have it? What's wrong with that? What's the problem there?"

Krappwell: "Well, simply put, that makes you a  food racist and a culinary bigot. You are clearly a conservative, sir. As we see it, sometimes humans need to eliminate flaws in their thinking, and drawing mental divisions is destructive to society, and that includes all facets of daily life, including politics, entertainment, religion, clothing and even the vehicles we drive and the very food we eat. All characteristics that create class or cultural differences must be eliminated, even by force if required, period, for the public good."

Kielbasa: "Well, I wish you luck with that. One last request...can I at least get a drink of water? I mean, water is just water, right?"

Krappwell: 'Yes you may, as long as it isn't in a trendy, colorful  plastic bottle."

Kielbasa: "Thanks."

Krappwell: "You are certainly welcome."   

Make mine generic!

Recently, I ran a send-up of liberal ideology called "One minute of truth with a Liberal".  While response was mostly positive, some felt I did not render conceit far enough. Therefore, to assuage my more conservative readers, we present "Ask A Whiny, Sniveling, Traitorous Liberal." After all, why should complex characters or ideas challenge right thinking people when there are straw men like our own WST Liberal Dr. Hiram Needlebody? Dr. Needlebody is a professor of elitist studies at both Harvard and Yale, a job he commutes to from one of his three homes in Greenwich Village, San Francisco, and France.

Hey Ask A Whiny, Sniveling, Traitorous Liberal,

Were you sad to see Phil Donahue taken off the air?

Sincerely yours,
Constance Endercrew
Oxnard, CA

Dear, Constance,

I was traumatized. Phil Donahue is like Shakespeare (You probably don't know who Shakespeare is, not having gone to a comfy liberal elite college like Yale or Harvard. Ha ha. I think I'm so much better than you.) to us liberals. No one expressed our point of view more clearly. I went on a hunger strike. But then, my urge to eat poop was too strong. You see, I like to eat poop, because I'm a liberal.

Dear Ask A Whiny, Sniveling, Traitorous Liberal,

It seems that democracy is growing in Iraq, and the recent chaos is stabilizing. Are you disappointed?

Sincerely,
Adm. Howard Manley,
Columbus, OH

Dear Admiral How-Many-Babies-Did-You-Kill Manley

Of course I'm disappointed, because I loved Saddam Hussein. I wish he were elected the President of the United States, instead of this fictitious, fascist Son of a Bush. I was hoping a lot more of our soldiers would get killed, just to prove my point. It's a shame that the war's all over, because all of my anti-war rhetoric was based on the military difficulties and not the problematic occupation to follow. Also, it's all about blood for oil. I'm still hoping that terrorists kill lots more of our boys and girls over there, and blow up parts of the U.S. too, because I hate America. I hate America almost as much as I love to eat poop. Did I mention that I really love eating poop?

Dear Ask A Whiny, Sniveling, Traitorous Liberal,

Are you what we conservatives refer to as "A San Francisco Liberal?"

Looking forward to your response I remain
Sincerely yours,
Robert Bobsworth
Cicero, IL

Dear Robert "Hate Crimes" Bobsworth,

If by "San Francisco Liberal" you're referring to me being a gay man, you're of course correct. I was straight for the majority of my life, but I decided for political reasons to throw off the tyranny of heterosexuality. Now I'm so gay, I won't even sleep with other men. I only sleep with a genetically altered clone of myself and our underage clone child. I want Congress to pass legislation that forces churches to accept incestuous clonosexuals as a regular family unit, and give us special privileges, such as the right to eat poop in restaurants, and to force everyone to eat poop, because all I want to do is desecrate images of Christ, elect Saddam Hussein or Osama Bin Laden president and eat mounds and mounds of glorious poop.

Is Liberal Yahoo News An Anti-American Information Source?

Yahoo! is the web's biggest meeting place, rated #1 overall in traffic, but does Yahoo have an insidious, anti-American liberal bent lurking in its closet? Many mature, clear thinking Americans believe so.

Yahoo news stories almost always showcase deaths in Iraq, sympathetic viewpoints from forces hostile to America, and outright vicious name calling of Bush and his conservative administration. The pattern is well worn and painfully obvious. It's one thing to describe oneself as a news service, but a substantial measure of non-bias and journalistic responsibility come along with such a claim.

But hey, this is the Internet. Sometimes it's easy to forget that.

The greater question is, regarding Yahoo's folsom, left leaning slant, is Yahoo aiding and abetting the war on terror? Surely, Al-Qaeda and its key operatives surf Yahoo News on a daily basis, amicably to finger the pulse of American consensus regarding the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, and the attitudes of the American public at home in general. One thousand Al-Qaeda spies could not inflict as much harm as a single day of Yahoo news threads do to our nation's cause, in my assessment. Yahoo surely has many friends in the Islamic world, indeed.

According to Yahoo, both wars are unwinnable, unprovoked, and unspeakable social evils perpetuated solely for America's oil lust and Bush's unbridled ego. According to Yahoo, civil rights in America lie slashed and bloodied by a flaying Draconian conservative sword, and that fomenting, breathless throngs of politically suppressed Americans are clamoring for their lost Constitutional freedoms, at direct odds with a Great Dark Christian Empire pounding them down back into place.

At least that's the world according to the guys at Yahoo, in my view.

That's how you lose wars, you know. By convincing the world you are losing. Who is to say that the Iraq insurgency wouldn't have caved and given up 2 years ago if liberal media had taken the alarmingly obvious stance of picking a side? The shocking reality is because Yahoo and similar liberal web based sites do not seem to be on our side.

Certainly, war deaths must be acknowledged, but Yahoo seems to cross the line, perhaps with sinister intentions. Maybe that's why we haven't yet won the war on terror --because liberal pages such as Yahoo are in the way, willingly.

To the Wiki!

According to the Wiki, 81.1 percent of Americans are Christian,  1.4 percent Jewish, .6 percent Muslim, and roughly 15 percent other, atheist or agnostic.

Senator John McCain drew fire for calling America a "Christian Nation", but as you can see America is a Christian nation by a huge majority, as over 4 out of 5 people in America believe in Christ.

Conclusion. America is a Christian Nation.

On nation, under God, but mostly one God.

In a rare, candid, unplugged interview with famed liberal activist C.Norman Krappwell, Krappwell has agreed to tell the truth to any questions asked to him for exactly one minute.


Kielbasa: "Hello, Mr. Krappwell. Good to have you back. Are you good to go?"

Krappwell: "Uh, yeah...lets do it."

Kielbasa: "A lot of attention was drawn to same sex marriages in the 2004 election, and were seen by many as the death knell of the Democratic party's chances of beating Bush. Is this true?"

Krappwell: (laughs) "Uh, big yes. We screwed up. Let me explain something to you, and I'm not even sure I can explain it to myself, so bear with me...do you remember your freshman year in college, when you would join activist groups bent on saving mankind from himself, and saying and doing things that made you feel uncomfortable just for the sake of saying and doing things that made you feel uncomfortable? That's what higher education is all about, right? Doing things that are unpopular...not necessarily because they are more just...just because they make people feel uncomfortable. Well, that sums up what being liberal is all about. We never lost that freshman masochism. We strive to keep it alive because we have fooled ourselves into thinking it makes us higher minded and more enlightened than everyone else. Of course that is bullcrap, and sometimes we're so full of ourselves we don't even see it, either.

Same sex marriages will never be accepted because the notion is morally repugnant to the human psyche, except, perhaps, to those involved in one. Let me hammer this home to you: We supported same sex marriage because we want to show we are more tolerant than the rest of you are...Why? It shows we are more progressive, and frankly, just plain smarter than you. I loath the notion of same sex marriages, it makes my skin crawl, but remembering back to the freshman masochism thing? How can you get more masochistic than backing gay marriages? We just did it to show we're better than everyone else, and we overplayed our hand. We screwed up big time."

Kielbasa: "Wow...I suppose you feel the same way on racial issues too, then?"

Krappwell: "Uh, yeah. We carry on about standardized testing and how genetic testing proves racism is myth, and we accept and violently defend unpopular racial notions of all types, including interracial relationships, to the extent of losing family and friends in doing so. Of course that's pure self-delusional bullcrap, the purest kind. Let me explain to you how racism works: First you need an underdog. I'm not the underdog, because I'm white, see? But I need someone to root for, to once again show that I have a higher moral caliber and am more evolved and better than anyone else. And it can play out. It can work. No one can deny that racism is an evil, but the quintessence in the absurdity is that anyone on the planet is above it, and of course no living soul is...no one, and anyone who tells you so is a phony and a liar, although they themselves might be brainwashed enough not to see it...to be blind to it. Saying you've progressed beyond racism is like saying you've progressed beyond eating and farting. But make no mistake, we're as big a racist as any Klan member, and we have no intention, ever, of handing this country over to minorities, ever, including yours truly."

Kielbasa: "Wow...Wow again. Well, we need to wrap this up...tell me on last thing: When you mention high minded idealism as being the foundation of the Liberal party, do you think it is basically well intended, or tainted with ego from the get go?"

Krappwell: "I could answer that in 1 second with 1 word, but I won't. I appreciate my minute with you. Thanks again. 

Kielbasa: "Thank you."