FOXFANSIMPSONS's Blog

Pineapple Express is a movie with two really long scenes where nothing happens and some short skits. Just kidding, but seriously, this is one of those cases where it's a whole lot of nothing. This movie is worse for your brain than actually getting high. But, that’s just from a movie standard. From a Seth Rogan is God standard, this is actually his best film. Yeah, I've seen em' all, Knocked Up...Fan boys...The Movie That Takes 40 Years to End (aka The Forty Year Old Virgin), all the other movies he is in that are basically variations of the 40 Year Old Virgin, ALL OF THEM! And believe me...I DIDN'T ENJOY ONE OF THEM! Those films are TERRIBLE, and quite frankly I expected the same from P to the E, but luckily, it wasn't the same! Well, technically it is the same, but, I for some reason enjoyed this movie. Same buddy-cop formula but, I D K, something about this film is just more endearing than the other ones. I think it's Rogen's accomplice in the film, James Franco.  I love Spiderman (the MAN not the MOVIE), therefore I hate James Franco. Yeah, he sucks in most of his films, and he WAS too similar to Haden Christiansen (OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT), luckily he lasted and Haden drifted into obscurity, I DONT CARE IF HE STILL WORKS, I DONT KNOW ANY OF THE FILMS. Yeah, of course, I also like Star Wars. So anways, James Franco is just likeable as the hippie drug dealer with a heart of gold. But, it's not just cause his character is a, at heart, really good guy. The usual annoying everyday back and forth banter shared in the Rogan formula is brought to vivid and of course irritating life with Franco’s delivery. He really zones in on the idiocy of the everyday, and it comes across rather entertaining. And I can admit, Rogen knows what he's doing, same old shtick, but that’s chill, it works for Robin Williams. The two have good chemistry. But, at heart, the movie is just a mess. Lots of stuff, just thrown together feel, and haphazard writing. I mean, these guys, the two stoner simi-losers, kill some people, maybe that is funny, but, totally ridiculous. And, an ending running gag that feels totally tacked on coupled with a love (?) story that IS totally tacked on. And, as a last, very LARGE complaint, that line in the commercial, where it’s like “Wanna see Phantom?” “Of the opera?” yeah, sorry, that line ISN’T IN THE FILM! WHAT THE HEY! Confused with what I am saying, you should be, this film is a proverbial blunt, after it's smoked you don't know what's what, the good is the bad and the bad is the good, disgusting food is suddenly delicious, the movie is a mystery. I like it, but I hate it. One hecka positive is, they show the pot smoking, a lot of times in these films it's like, "Oh, wanna smoke?", "Sure" (TIME ELAPSES, Enter smoked filled room) "Man, let's go get some cookies"....That’s stupid. Plus, the cross joint. All in all, from a movie stand point this film gets a C- but from a I like it for no reason stand point, I give it a C+.

It's a fact, Tom Cruise is AWESOME. I don't care how many times he jumped up and off of a couch, Tom Cruise is still probably my favorite actor, and he deserves to be supported. Having said that, don't support this movie. It's boring and I mean, it's boring even for a historical fiction affair. Nazi's are cool, they are the greatest enemy the world has ever seen, the greatest evil the world has ever uncovered, and they had the best military outfits. So, with this triple threat of movie material why doesn't Valkyrie rock? Well, because everything is delivered in a -nothing special- type of manner. Visually, not much is going on. I don't care if the film is trying to be historically accurate, when it comes to movies and history; accuracy is usually something that’s completely ignored, so why do we pay such staggering detail to locations and look? Most the locations are drab and don't showcase the gaudiness of the Nazi's, probably their best quality. Spruce that ish up! However, all is not bad. One of the strongest things occurring from the direction is the placement of the actors; there is a very fung shui feel to the placement of the players. However, that is not something that the average viewer even takes into account. So, the everyday everyman and Joe Six Pack the Plumber will probably be bored out of their minds.

 

Next comes acting, all the Germans speak English with British or American accents, and quite frankly it's just a mess. Tom Cruise could be able to showcase his true talent, but instead we have Tom acting like how he has for the last few years. Like himself. Here Cruise had a real opportunity to do ACT-TUNG baby, but it ends up more like "achtung baby". Worst comes to worst he could have just banged out a hackneyed-Indiana-Jones Nazi-vibe-accent, even that would have been better. But instead we get the same ol’ same ol’, perhaps Cruise is too busy trying to “act” normal for the media to act well in a movie.

 

Finally, the writing...ohhh my God! The Nazi's are the closest thing to my generation (and yours) to showcase the ultimate struggle, the battle of good and evil and the fact that justice will always triumph over injustice. Maybe not to ultimate example...but, the one closest enough to us. And recent enough to let us know it’s true and not just dismiss it as something that happened a really, really, long time ago (Bible). I just did a better job of conveying the plight than the movie. It really does suck. Cruise’s character seems not to be driven by anything. As we know Cruise sports a bad @$$ eye patch! After the film, I was talking to a friend who saw the movie with me and I asked, "Why do you think Cruise was such a dissenter?” her response was, "because he lost his eye",...Am I supposed to believe one of Hitler’s top men in his military became a traitor due solely because of vanity? Of course not, but she genuinely did, which shows how crappy the writing in this film truly is. Tons of problems aside, I can't really say anything positive about the story. It's really bad, you'll find better writing just watching a bare bones accurate account of Valkyrie on the History channel - which is not fancy writing at all.

 

In conclusion if you want to see Tom Cruise acting as a person from a different country just see The Last Samurai. Valkyrie gets a D.

 

 

First things first, Gran Torino is NOT "vintage Eastwood", as claimed in the commercial that I saw. Am I to believe Clint is a cowboy? The film also is NOT "assisted suicide Eastwood" either, though, in a way it actually is....No, what GT is in a combination of the two, really showcasing how the matured director's direction has matured. He takes his thoughtful approach and mixes it with a little bit of "vintage" Eastwood. But Clint not blowin' off desperado’s heads aside, I truly can not say enough good things about this movie. The direction, acting and most importantly writing is all spot on. So, let’s discuss. The direction isn't perfect, of course, but its still very good, at first look the film may seem fairly simple but it's actually very honed. But one really has to hand it to ol' Clint, aside from a some jerky cuts the direction conveys everything it is supposed to, not too much shaky cam messin' everything up. Next the acting, this is a film that once again opens up the market for actors of multiple ethnicities. So, this is one of those situations where it's like, are they acting good or are the acting normal. The answer is they are...uh...doing good acting. Yes, the actors are acting "Asian-American", but, you'll find that real life is often times quite more boring than in films. The actor’s mannerisms, ability to mimic cultural haptics and so forth are entertaining and carry the film - thusly making the acting good. Honestly, if you just filmed my family life during Christmas it won't be like Meet the Fokker’s, I hope. As for Clint, you know he knows what he's doing. SO let’s leaf it at that. Finally, the true star of this picture, the writing. The writing is very good in Gran Torino it deals with notions of life and death, religion and culture, past, present and future. I could sit here and analyze the crap out of this movie, and for me that is most enjoyable, the most poignant films are the ones you think about after seeing them. But, strong material aside, the writer often times mocks average every day people by using so much foreshadowing and clues. With writing like this often times an enthralled viewer is delivered a moment of "OHHHH, Now I see". But, for someone who watches a movie knowing that nothing happens for no reason in the movie realm, all this foreshadowing and clue leaving can ruin the film. Luckily it doesn't, but some things that seem to be surprises, are not. Well, anyways, I can sit here and type about this film all day. But, it probably won't do it justice. Go out and see GT, it gets a B!

 

It seemed like it couldn't be stopped by anything less than an act of God and maybe, that was true. Luckily God intervened this time and struck a blow to Disney and HSM! Literally...hundreds...of little girls and dozens of lucky, lucky fathers won't get to see HSMOI due to a storm. And I couldn't be happier, anything any one can do in silencing High School Musical and riding us of Zach Efferon (haha, he may have chimed in on that too, No he isn't in HSMOI) I support. One, it will help build a following for which ever God gains the honor of being dubbed responsible for the ice storm and two, well, I can't remember two. Another excellent local news expose!

 

It was a long time coming...Sure, I had seen the Tyra show a few times, didn't hate it. But I didn't love it. However, over the year, she's grown on me. To the point where I was enlightened, no, not about one of the super duper topics discussed on the show...but enlightened to The Tyra Show being the BEST DAY TIME TALK SHOW EVER!!! Even better than Springer. Tyra is like a beautiful Oprah. No, I'm not dissing thick chicks or black chicks, or both combined, I enjoy all of the above, quite frankly. But, ask Stedman, Oprah is not beautiful. I realize my life is now in danger, but someone had to say it. Tyra is better than Oprah. Sure, a lot of her shows material is sexist. A recent Tyra show had half nude men parading around, ripped out of their minds. Stuff like this can create an unattainable standard of beauty, but, it is treatment that the opposite sex often receives. So, in a way...it's a step towards...equality, but, it's like one of those steps you take where you roll your ankle, you can go on, but, it still sorta hurts for awhile. But Tyra doesn't only strive for a sense of skewed equality, no; she goes further and actually takes direct steps back in the plight. For instance, Tyra had several very talented and driven women on her show. Each had started and maintained their own, very successful, nonprofit organization. And, yes, the showed recognized their achievements, but Tyra recognized something even more important, these women were successful enough, but not HOT enough. So, she pretended to have them on the show to praise them for their charity and build awareness, but in reality, it was to give each one of them a sexy make over. (Haha!) Much to the uncomfort of the guests - worn visibly on their faces. Misguided notions aside and back to the Oprah motif, Tyra does a lot of things Oprah can't, besides being trashy. Tyra is genuine, I don't know what it is, but, I'm just suspicious about Oprah, she comes of fake, and then there’s Stedman, further adding to the inguinineness of it all. However, Tyra seems to actually care. From her voice modulations to facial expression and body language Tyra is real. And all the more so from the two to three errors she makes each show. Messing up lines, repeatedly, lets you know that Tyra isn't stopping the tape every two seconds to re-shoot something that isn't important, all on her ego. On top of that, For as many sexist topics Tyra brings to the table she brings an equal ammount or slightly larger number of interesting material to the television. Many of the shows are fun, many are riveting and many entail the African American community (skin bleaching?!). Creating awareness and spreading the message of racial and feminist equality is something Oprah does, but that Tyra does FUN! So if you're like me and have infinite time on your hands, a shortage of friends and stuff to do, watch the Tyra show, I don't know if its ratings are high, but I can only assume they are. So, the show probably doesn't need your support, but, still, you don't want to miss out on the best day time talk show EVVVVEERR!!!

Sayuki Western Django, SWD from here on out, takes the premise of being able to make an anime into a live action movie and then, of course, fails miserably.  Add a little Yojimbo, mix heavily with American Yojimbo (For a First Full of Dollars) then throw in a mess of other Japanese non-sense, and stir. After letting rest, observe closely and remove the best elements of earlier said movies. Maybe I’m being a little tough here. What you get with SWD is a dish less associated with Japanese cuisine and more associated with Ethiopian food; it's mildly satisfying but looks disgusting…God I’m hungry…Anyways, that isn't to say that the direction in the film is bad, I mean this, metaphorically, the direction in the film is actually the best part. From the films acid washed look, to its hyper stylized everything the film is definitely a piece of eye candy. But, the rest is an after thought of last minute addition ideas. With out ruining the plot of the movie, WHICH YOU SHOULD SEE, you'll be bored with tacked on after tacked on plot device. It all feels a little messy and rushed and, the Japanese-American language can be annoying (not Japanese people using code switching to talk in English and Japanese but just English with heavy, heavy Japanese accents). Finally, the ending will have you laughing but... Enough with the bad, the film does a lot good. It opens up a market for Asian actors, aka foreign actors aka a step towards everyone. The film has a lot of pro-feminist rhetoric, which is usually a bad thing, but doesn't come across too bad in this film because it’s basically a chick loosely tied into the plot who kicks booty with her six shooters a-blazein’ and if you are seeing it with a chick of equal coolness, they eat that stuff up. Quinton Terrintino, everyone hates on him now? Why I don't know, we got to support him, because, like it or not, he is very ground breaking, and a fellow "anime-otaku" as he states himself in the film. And, oh yeah, there is a dance scene, movies that showcase actors with multiple talents is always a luxury a nod to Bollywood(Is that how you spell it?). All in all, you want to give your money to this crap because, even though it isn't that great it sets the ground work for a future of more interesting whatever. And with the state Hollywood is in now (worse than ever) a breath of fresh air is welcome. Ok, enough with the simile, metaphor and personification, go out and see SWD. It gets a C, but even the best Hollywood movie usually only gets a C+.

 

Fox hasn't always made the best...choices...with television, nor have I. I enjoy shows that...well, I assume most Los Angeleans would disagree with but should actually agree with. And Fox chooses shows...that I mostly disagree with. Here is a quick list of shows that I have enjoyed that most people don't like, Dragon Ball (Not Dragon Ball Z), Upright Citizens Brigade, The Kids in the Hall, then insert a million biographies and nature shows. Here is a list of shows Fox has put on that I disagree with, Alien Autopsy, FAMILY GUY, American Idol, even though it really is probably the best reality TV. show, Man Versus Beast, but that really is beside the point. The true point is FRINGE. Bottom line, show rocks. I don't care for T.V. much; I haven't really watched anything except for the Simpsons and the 10 O'clock news for most of the 2000's. And as a testament to my 90's television ability, I never saw a full episode of Friends, AND I'M A BETTER PERSON FOR IT!! heh-heh, but I digress. Fringe is totally fringe, in taking cool conspiracy theory internet nonsense and forming it into a show. Sure, every episode is a rip off Late Night Coast to Coast rhetoric, but since no one knows what I'm talking about, it's all good. Bottom line Fringe takes interesting content and mixes it with...hold...hold....HOLLDDD!!!!!! GOOD ACTING!!! Yeah, Lifetime Movie clichés aside, television hasn't always been the best place to get acting. You watch the show, you think about how the actress looks...out of the work place...and then you go have your water cooler talk, then 5 months later they give a bunch of crappy actors awards, but that’s not the case with Fringe. No, with Fringe you have a stellar cast that quite frankly surprised me. For the content, nothing comes off too cheesy and the characters interactions are quite nuanced, the acting is directly tied into the show as a whole. From a watching standpoint you can watch occasionally and get a cool story or watch the series and get SATISFACTION. With time you really get to observe the quality acting. And you are rewarded for it, no, not prizes (...yet). The satisfaction stems from the snowball effect occurring right before our eyes America, each character is actually rich with back story and the world is fleshed out nicely in a NSA x CIA x FBI skin. Again, with out giving away too much plot, the most succulent piece of the show. You’ll want to know! You’ll want to know about the events unfolding around "The Pattern", you’ll want to know who "Young Walter was", you’ll want to know about "Olivia Dunham’s Role", and you want to know about "Peter Bishops childhood, rather he is a creation or not, and rather he has the ability to throw fire balls, haha...jk, playin off that whole not wanting to give away plot thing...so anyways, go and watch Fringe, if you took the time to read this BS Blog you could have already watched an ep. In conclusion watch Fringe, it's the best piece of Television since House, which was the best piece of television since...I d k...Friends, just watch that ish.

 

I was watching another A+ interesting Fox 11 News Expose; it was about a woman who was smart enough to try to pet a deer. (NOTE: Being from Los Angeles you know not to mess with wild animals, go camping or anywhere even near nature, for that matter. That’s where all those Texas chain saw massacres occur.) But then, I noticed something even more interesting, that woman has the same shirt as me! It's of an Eagle with an American flag that says "Freedom is not Free". I can admit it, watching those clips, I was doin some hatin' but if anything I am a fair man, she may lack common sense but she definitely has fashion sense.

I watched the commercials, I read the articles, I waited the long wait. Finally the day came. Halo 3 day!. I'm not certain there was a tag line or anything assosiated with this game. For such a large marketing budget release day felt [...]-hum to me. So here we are, Sept. 25, Emergence Day. I got out of class, went to Target and asked for two copies of Halo 3. Oh yeah, two copies. My freind had to work today so I said I'd pick up a copy for him and we made a pact not to play till we could start a online co-op match after we handled the activites we needed to.  So the winner at the Target told me, they only had the overpriced and crappy Special ed. or whatever it is. I told him politely, No, thats a rip off.  Next stop, BestBuys. BestBuys truly is the best. No, I don't work for BB. They just always have the stuff I want. It's great. Nothing fancy but if it's something I need that they have, it's in stock. I get my games, I get my mountain dew game fuel and I get in my car and go home. Then for a long time nothing happened. Especially my freind coming over to get his copy. Finally it was 11:30p.m. and things got rollin. We got on Xbox Live. We start up the match. Game screen turns black, have to restart everything. Finally we play. A cut scene starts and I notice something. Game sucks. The graphix are terrible. It looks just slightly better than a regular xbox games only in certain parts. One look at the horribly hideous Sergeant Major Avery J. Johnson and you'll see what I mean. I know what you are thinking or maybe if you are crazy, saying, FOXFAN, What about the gameplay? Lots of people love Halo. Yes, I understand. The game play if you like it is exactly the same, sans some of the X button moves. So, good for you, I for one don't like it. I think it is boring. It's the same old linear large level BS you've come to accecept and love. Coupled with plain weapons and of course everytime you get a gernade grab it and throw it antics. And thats cool. However it's easy to loose intrest fast. OK, so now you're thinking, what about the story? Didn't they like...uh...write a book about halo or something? Yeah, they did, it sucks. So does the story in Halo, well, not so much the story but the stories protaganest Master Chief. He is one of the most No Big Deal characters of all time! Nothing special at all stands out about Master Chief. He is just a killing machiene. Always following orders...oh well, I'll just leave it at, there isn't much to him. Oh, you still want to argue? Fine. But FOXFAN, what about on-line gameing? Tons of people still play Halo 2 on-line. Think about it. YOU THINK ABOUT IT! haha, just kidding. Those fools are all cheap. They are all just score-whor3s who want to get to 100 kills first. Boring, it's the equivelent of signing up for a Street Fighter 2 Turbo tournement and everyone picking M.Bision (Vega in Japan) and doing the psycho crusher over and over again till someone wins. It sucks. Everyone just jumps around, shooting a rocket launcher or carrying a sword trying to be cheap. When the Xbox 360 came out, the first thing out of everyones mouth was, just imagine Halo 3. The most anticipated Xbox 360 game should have ahd a more grandious outting but   all in all, not only Halo 3 but the entire Halo series is like a peanutbutter and jelly sandwhich. Just kinda plain. And Halo 2 and 3 are the same sandwhich just made with slightly fancier ingredients. However, underneath it all, it's just a boreing old peanutbutter and jelly sandwhich.

Well, presidential cannidate Rudolph Juliani seals the deal, the long mythos of New Yokers being rude is confirmed. Rudolph Juliani ' two' times now has anwsered his cell phone while attending a press conference. Forgive me if I am out of line here, but, isn't that kinda inappropriate? More or less this is the ex-mayor's job and I don't know about your job but at mine (which I don't have, seeing as how I am currently unemployed) you just don't anwser your cell phone. However their is the angle that it's just like a marketing scam and Juliani purposly does it to show a strong relationship with his wife. FIRE THAT GUY/GIRL. What do I think? I believe the latter is true. That in itself is annoying. How stupid do they think we are? Oh well, politics as usual I suppose. Haha, just kidding about the New Yokers being jerks thing.

This is the second time this week that Mark Thompsons mic. has had issues. The first issues was with a crackling sound and the second time the sound was plauged with mucho echo. So, this leads me to believe, someone is out to get Mark T., Mr.T as I like to call him, just think about it, the mic that is. Two mistakes like this in one week? Where is the quality check? This is local news we are talking about. Just some food for thought.

What happened to John Beard? He just disappeared with no warning. I for one LOVE John Beard. No, I don't really have a legitimate reason, I just enjoyed the way he said, "Coming up next, The Simpsons". True, to make a great anchor to me, you probably don't have to do much more than this. Considering, I guess, you're just a guy who reads words of a teleprompter. However, his abrupt dismissal and replacement by Carlos Amezcua leads me to believe perhaps...scandal? John Beard has been an active Fox anchor for years and in my opinion is like a best friend to his viewers. I want to know why John is leaving. I want something more personal. Most importantly I want John Beard to pass the torch to Carlos Amezcua. It seems like a usurping otherwise. So how bout it FOX, where is our closure?