Two On and Two Out

So In case you haven't heard. Michael Phelps, this dude who crushes egg sandwiches and frenchman alike, is hosting SNL. I love SNL, its semi terrible right now, but its coming back. I actually wanna host someday and help bring it back myself so look out for me real soon. But the best news, in my opinion is the Musical Guest. On Saturday September 13th. Dwayne Carter aka Lil Wayne will will usher in the new season.

Wayne is probably the best rapper out there today. And phelps let it be known that its Weezy's music that gets him so amped before each race. Now tell me you don't wanna see him perform? But if thats not enough for you. Wayne is one of the best freestylers on the planet. And if you thought Kanye's opening night performance was off the hook imagine what wayne can do. Just check this out. The whole video is good(Champion/Everything I am), but if you want to skip to 2 minutes you'll get the freestyle i'm talking about.



And don't tell me about how all hip-hop is the same. Give this man a chance. You should probably buy yourself a copy of Carter III because there's a lil something for everybody on it. Don't let the dreads and grill fool you Wayne is an interesting guy with a lot to say. He's not focused on degrading anyone, but rather giving you a look into what hip hop is, and what it can be.

Now as you know, I can't leave you without a wayne quote to meditate on, so without further ado...

"Yes, I'm the best. and no I ain't positive, I'm definite
I know the game like I'm reffing it
This is Tha Carter, Tha Carter 3, the new testament"

I was watching the Olympics this morning, and during the basketball game Nike aired another one of its great commercials. I would love to be a fly on the wall in their creative meetings because nobody does it better in my opinion.  Basically they set clips of the USA basketball team to the "star spangled banner" performed by Marvin Gaye at the 1983 All-Star game.  Its a version I believe is rivaled only by Whitney Houston's Superbowl XXV performance.



"I'm like, what it do
What it do
There's a full court pressure
I'm just going for the two
If I'm open for the three
I'ma take it in a second
Even if it's one second
I'ma make it. It's nothing"

Let me begin by patting myself on the back in recognition of my accurate prediction of a rams 3-13 season.  I had to listen to everybody tell me how Jackson would rush for 1500 yards and the rams would win 10 games.  Well, I didn’t call all the games right, but I knew where we'd finish.  The problem is that the rams are bad and bland.   At least the final Martz years were bad and flashy!

L          @ PHI, McNabb is always on at the start of the year.  Should be a blowout

there will be a lotta this,                       and this                                    and this too 

L          NY Giants – we get the champs at home.  Great.  Should be a blowout

Flex  SEA Division games are weird.  It could go either way but I think we’ll split the season series.

L Buffalo  after a big first win of the year.  We follow it up with a goose egg against the bills.  Trent Edwards/JP losman has a big day.

L          @ WAS  way too much Jason Taylor + Clinton Portis

L          DAL  Get ya popcorn ready

L          @NE honestly, the battle cry needs to be “just don’t lose by 60”

Flex Arizona  again, I’ll go with the season series split

L          @NYJ  We’re not going to beat an AFC east team. Period.  And too much brett.

W       @SF     their record doesn’t even begin to describe how bad they are

L          CHI  Devin Hester will score 3TDs.  And the bears will win 21-0

W        MIA We win, but its close.  Real close.  Too close.  Rams 16-14

Flex @ ARI somebody comes back from injury. And we win this game in a thriller.

Flex SEA  Nobody can hear anything.  Linehan calls a HB draw on 3rd and 23 from our 27

W       SF      As much as I love him, we can't let Isaac/Martz come in here and get a win.

he looks weird in that jersey

W        @ ATL  we got em last year.  And now they’re worse after losing their RB. 

So according to my formula, we are at best 8-8 and at worst case scenario we're 4-12.  I'll say we finish 6-10. a respectable year. And Linehan can pack his bags, and we can make the hire we should have made three years ago.  Agreed?

"and yeah i'm a bear
like black and white hair
so im polar
and they cant get on my system cuz my system is the solar"

Does anyone else think the US was very quick to respond to all the people who needed help in Georgia, but dragged its feet for the people in New Orleans?  As lil wayne put it, "some people still floatin."  There's a ton of people that still need, help and we're not rushing them anything.  Plus we certainly weren't rushing them anything right away.  Call me an idealist, but I would just like to think that we'll look out for our own before we try to hook everyone else up.  And yes, Georgia is getting the hook up!  It just seems to me Kanye might have been on point with his remarks about Bush not caring about black people.

Does Jaco ever smile?  Its like cmon.  He’s on mean mug mode 24/7.  I saw him pull up the other day, a beautiful day no less, and he was mean mugging.  I bet if he heard a joke, instead of laughing, he’d be like “that was inexplicably humorous to a high degree.”  And don’t tell me about that picture for the Jaco Report.  I know how to use photoshop too.  Its just one of those things that bugs me.  Like does wolf blitzer ever leave the situation room?  He is always posted up in there.  Maybe its like how in Indiana Jones that guy couldn’t take the holy grail out of the temple. How crazy would it be if wolf left and that whole studio caved into the ground.  I know one thing.  I’d kill to hear “this wolf blister live at the baseball game.”  I’m gonna leave him alone for now, but I can’t help but shake the feeling that wolf will outlive us all.

 

So I saw Elliott Davis the other day.  Let me just say, nicest, most menacing man ever.  I out of habit immediately turned around and went the other way because lets face it, its probably not a good thing if you’re meeting him for the first time.  I half expected him to bring me a receipt of the 30 Rock DVD I bought last week.

 Actually Elliott Davis isn’t all that bad.  There’s only one man I’m more terrified of, and he usual introduces himself by saying “you ever watch dateline NBC? well I’m Chris Hansen…

I caved and rented Madden.  Def fell short of that 100 post mark.  But like the cards' bullpen says, might as well fail spectacularly.  I'm glad I rented it though, because the only change worth mentioning is the grass.  Yeah, they spent a whole year improving the grass.  To their credit though, it does look much more realistic. But that's not why we play the game!  The heart of the gameplay is almost entirely a rehash of last season's game.  However, I've been in it since 98 so I'll give it a few more days to redeem itself.

Oh! I'm going to the Cardinals game next week to see how they shoot the "Redzone."  I'm pumped, the behind the scenes stuff is always the most interesting.  It seems pretty simple, but there are a ton of people who work long hours to bring you the quality programming of Fox 2.  I hope I get to talk to Aaron Miles.  IMO that guy is what baseball is all about.  

"I'm richer than Nicole, and I'm a Lion like her daddy"

And seeing as how the summer is rapidly drawing to a close. I have decided I'm coming hard everyday for the next week.  Yes, 7 posts, in 7 days.  Its about to get wild fam.  The thing is, I haven't been gone.  I just haven't uploaded anything.  I've got too much material spanning too many topics to get squished into any one category.  But seeing as how this is also part of my Internship, I gotta go to work.  This'll be reminiscent of that Cards bullpen, we'll have good days and terrible days, but we'll always try...

Guess what.  We are less than a week away.  From the greatest television program of the MTV era.  "The Hills"  Yes, the same Hills that has become so entrenched in popular culture that even our very own Charlie Marlow referenced it his latest blog post. 

Nothing happens.  But its soooo undeniably entertaining.  Words cannot begin to describe why anyone watches this show.  But I guanrantee you’ll love it.  And I don’t think its fake.  Exhibit A: Audrina’s “acting debut” in Into the blue 2, yeah, they made a sequel to that 2002 atrocity. And not surprisingly, no one from the original would reprise their roles. Nooo, really.  As far as I’m concerned.  They need to make an this an established franchise.  Like saw, or the land before time.  Personally, I can’t wait for "Into the blue 3" on VHS. But back to LC, and company.  The beauty of the hills is encompassed by the fact that each episode can be thoroughly described in one sentence. Lets see, Lauren and Heidi had a fight over spencer, so heidi moved out.  Thats actually more like four episodes.  But they're really good i swear...

And the Wack Award goes to....

The Jonas Brothers…you’re wack.  Believe me.  IT may not look like it now but history repeats itself.  And I’ve got two words for you….MMMM BOP! And in case you don't believe they're wack.  It's time for some for some scholaly analysis

 Let me give you the definition (thanks to our friends at urban dictionary)

 1. To be of low or dubious quality. Origin: comes from 'whacky', which evolved to 'whacked' or 'whacked out'. Eventually shortened to 'wack'. The 'h' is usually dropped to differentiate the meaning from 'whack', which is to hit something hard or, kill (old wise guy terminology).

Can you use it in a sentence please?

Yo dog, this is pretty wack.

2. Lame

Happy Maddenoliday everybody!

One of these days I'll get around to reviewing it.  As a matter of fact, I'm sure they'll get me a copy to review if 100 people respond to this post! Alright ya'll i need your help. and i'm out

 

Lil Wayne Quote to meditate on "I'm rare, like Mr. Clean with hair"

 

 

I’ve played every fantasy league imaginable. Roto, head to head, shallow, deep, football, golf, baseball, hockey.  And first of all, never, EVER, play fantasy golf.  If anyone asks just say no.  So I’ve finished anywhere from 1st, to last.  (Including finishing behind my band instructor, who had no idea how to check his team) But after my 8 year career I have come to the conclusion that there are 8 people you will inevitably run across.

 

 The Jerk. He’s probably the commissioner.  That means he makes the rules or bends them as he sees fit, but that’s not where it stops.  He will do everything in his power to add the most obscure statistic into the game.  Like a caveat stating you get points for least batters faced.  Or turning double plays.  But on top of all this.  There’s no talking to him. He just won’t listen.  He constantly trash talks, and not funny trash talk, he’s annoying...like Danica Patrick.  Now I used to like Danica Patrick.  But after she started to get “famous,” and I got a glimpse of her personality I was like

NO. THANK. YOU. 

 

Seriously, every time I see her picture, I can hear her bossing me around.  But I’m not here to talk about Danica.  I’m here to help.

 The Fool.  Fools are in every league.  But one will rise about the rest with his foolishness. The best part of having a fool around is that you can take everything.  Challenges arise in competing with other owners for the fool’s resources.  You should be able to convince the fool to trade away his best player for the stud of the week.  Note: Its best to keep all fools away from the con man.

The Overprotective Parent.  This person will not make a deal to save their life.  You could offer them a glass of lemonade on a deserted island for a bag of sand and they would have to think long and hard about it before finally declining your offer, because the lemonade isn’t 37 degrees and the sand is batting .317 with 12 homers.    

The Midas. I hate the midas.  Because everyone the midas picks become a fantasy beast.  The trick is to wait him out.  Because Midas will no doubt be leading your league for most of the season. However, sometime in august or early September,  all of the Midas players will return to earth and realize that they have been playing well above their heads before soaking the house that Midas built with gasoline and flicking blue tips everywhere. Ex. Todd Wellemeyer  

Yeah, I didn't forget your 8ER against Philly or 6ER against the Mets 2 starts later.

 

The Deadbeat.  How you feel about deadbeats depends on the type of league you’re in.  If it’s a roto league, the more deadbeats the merrier!  But if you’re in a head to head league, and one team creams a deadbeat, thus passing you in the standings, you hate him.  The silver lining though, is that eventually you too will play the deadbeat.  Note: its important not to send the deadbeat an email or otherwise remind him about the league.  He’s probably forgotten of its existence all together.  Kind of like the cardinal’s plan for Royce Clayton to be the future.

The Economist.  The economist is a slave to numbers.  You could offer the economist Albert Pujols with a 127 rating for Aaron Miles with a 97 rating and he’ll give you some long drawn out speech about how you need to look at numbers.  Somewhere along the line he’ll no doubt mention Miles’ hitting streak and Pujols' stint on the DL.  The worst part is that the economist doesn’t know what the heck he’s talking about.  Which you can use to your advantage.  Find a player who has performed over his head up to this point in the season and you can find yourself on the better end of a Mark Reynolds for Albert Pujols deal.  Trust me, I pulled it off this year.

 Remember, hit the economist fast and hard before he can calculate the damage to his squad.

The Con Man.  My best friend is a con man.  To some extent he’s taught me how to be a con man.  No joke, I traded Zack Greinke for Jake Peavy a week ago.  Straight up.  Wow.  What a fool.  Anyway, A con man leads you to believe that you are screwing him.  He’ll give you the “I dunno” song and dance before finally pulling the rip cord and leaving you with one of those lead filled chinese baby cribs.

And “Milton”  The thing is….Milton is not a fool.  Milton just can’t say no, I got he name Milton from the character on office space.  Milton basically has everything taken from him and puts up little to no resistance.  You could punk Milton into trading you Johan Santana for Chris Duncan.  The Con man probably won’t go for Milton, I mean, there’s honor amongst thieves.  But keep Milton away from the jerk, and in return take his left fielder because you guys are “friends.”

Hopefully I've been of some assistance.  Go out there and dominate your fantasy league of choice! I'm out. -Carter

Lil Wayne quote to meditate on "I told my toolbox, its hammer time."

 

I just heard this for the first time yesterday, and its stuck in my head. If you haven't heard, Shan Foster shook up the NBA Draft world by producing and starring in his very own NBA Draft song. But wait, its genius, and inspiration all rolled into one light bouncy tune. Believe me, you'll find find yourself singing this at some point today.

Honestly, how can you not get behind this guy? The NBA wouldn't have as much of an image problem if it marketed more guys like him. And it obviously worked, because he won over Mark Cuban, getting picked by the Mavs in the second round. Well I'm out, I think I'm gonna go create Shan in nba 2k8, and watch him slaaaammmmm. -Carter

Yes, I'm blogging. I'm doing it.  But I'm not really sure what to write about.  Maybe I should just freestyle and see where this goes.  It can't be too bad as long as it doesn't end with "Kobe, tell me how my.." anyway, wow, I think Shaq has to be the biggest Celtics fan right now.  In case you missed the Big Aristotle's rant, he made it known that Kobe "couldn't do without [him]" and that he "can't breed em" anymore.  Well, thanks for that Diesel.  I mean I loved it, but I'm sure it got Stephen A's blood boiling.  That man love loves LOVES Kobe.  Did anyone catch how disappointed he was interviewing the Celtics after their game 6 beatdown?  I felt the same way when Mrs. Watkins took my recess in the first grade.

You know I think when it comes down to it you've gotta have some self control.  For example, I saw a smart car the other day.  Then I had this HUGE adrenalin rush, and every bone in my body wanted to get out of my car and push it over.  I could have laid that hit stick, but I didn't, because traffic cams are everywhere. 



And Is it just me or is MTV one giant commercial????
that i can't stop watching
For starters, America's Best Dance Crew is quite possibly the best show on television.  No one gets humiliated, No one gets beat up, basically the whole family can watch.  Its probably better than AI at this point, not the first runs, but certainly right now.  Ask yourself this, who amongst us is going to buy a David Cook CD? No one, duhhhh.  But lets give him the benefit of that doubt.  Say you were going to buy said CD.  Would you be ashamed to hand the album to the teller? No doubt.  So A.) you've gotta get your excuses ready, or B.) just don't look the teller in the eye.  Thank goodness for the self check out line.

Anyway, I'll be comin at you all summer.  So get it while its hot. And' I'm out -Carter


Lil wayne quote to meditate on " I call em april babies, cuz they fools."