CAKhomelodge's Blog

This is a really good (although lengthy) one to remember when you're
having
one of THOSE days!
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just

need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on

someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone

call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered

nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to
Robin
Carter?"


Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe

that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number

and called her. I had transposed the last two digits accidentally.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying

there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a

jackass!" and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in

my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had

a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a

jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was

a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass!

Then one day I had an idea I dialed his number, then heard his

voice, "Hello."--I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of

the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar
with
our

new caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you

how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something

about it. Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.]

This old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of a

parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
car

began to move and she very slowly back out of the slot. I even backed
up

a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought,
she's finally leaving.

All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle from
the
wrong

direction and pulls into My space. I started honking my horn and
yelling,
"You can't

just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro
and

completely ignored me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even
hear a
sound.

I thought to myself, now, this guy's a real jackass But this is where
the
fun begins.

Just then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the

back window of his car. I wrote down the phone number. Then I hunted
for

another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at
my
desk. I had

just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're

jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on
that
speed dial thing.)

when I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying
there
looking at me

straight in the face. Well, I thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a
couple rings someone

answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the
black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at
1802
West 34th street. It's a

yellow house and the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's
your
name?"

"My name is Don Hansen." he replied. "When's a good time to catch you,
Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes, "Don, you're a jackass!"
And I
slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now whenever I had
a
problem, I had two

[...] to call. Then, after several months of calling them, it just
wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. Hang on, hang on! I gave the
problem
some serious thought and came up with a solution: And this is

where the real fun began. First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man
answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up. The jackass said,
"Are
you still there?" I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "What's your name,
Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."

He said "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow
house and
my black

Camaro's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd
better
start saying your

prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.


Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello,
Jackass!" He
said, "If I ever

find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt." "Well,
here's
your chance, I said.

I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And hung up. Then I picked up the
phone
and called the police.

I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill
my
gay lover as soon as he got home.


Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on
West
34th Street didn't hurt.

After that I climbed into my car and headed over to watch the whole
thing.
You talk about Glorious!

Watching two [...] kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6
squad cars, a police helicopter

and a live on-the scene news crew was one of the greatest experiences
of my
life!


Name withheld to protect the guilty.